Monday, November 07, 2005
Words are not enough
This morning, amongst sheets of papers interleaved within my bible, I found what I wrote three years ago when I lost my job and was in a desert place for more than 6 months. I am reminded how our Father God is faithful, even at times when the feelings overwhelm and words fail within us. These desert places, parched and forsaken, are diffcult places to journey through. In reading these old notes again, I see with new eyes the contrast between despair and hope, weakness and strength, fear and love during separate 'stopping points' through those trying periods.
This was where I was at one point:
And what I heard from God.
In both instances, words were not enough. The first where words were not enough to express own fears; the other where words cannot fully express the sense of God's love.
For some reason, I just sensed that I needed to share this. Having come out of that period, I now look back in thanksgiving at the tenacity of God's love contrasted with the frailty of our own hearts, and how, at the crunch times, when our souls and self-sufficiency crumbles, and every false prop we hang on to fails -- the Father's hand remains steadfast.
Perfect love drives out fear... our confidence lies not in our ability to hold on to God - on the contrary, it is in God's ability to hold on to us, even through the most ferocious storms. We need to rest in the fact that the Father's love covers us. Many a time, I know that even rest does not come easy. But it starts by allowing the the Father to come near. When will we learn?
This was where I was at one point:
- Feel a bit down right now. The best way to describe it is for me to use words that come to mind: trapped, bruised, broken, disciplined, fear... All these emotions, I give to You, Lord - and say in the deepest way - "You are my hope and my salvation, and my portion in this life, even when there is no other portion."
I cannot put on a veneer of spiritual bravado, because I am not. Nor do I feel like it. All I can do is trust that Lord, You ultimately know best and that all things work for the good of those who love and trust You. I feel that all the things that are dear to me, all the things that give me security (perhaps false security) You have taken away - achievements, career hopes & prospects, confidence in my own abilities, external spirituality, etc... These are my idols, I have made them my idols. I have used these idols and "adornments" to create an imposter and hide my true self.
And what I heard from God.
- Through the dark forests of the night, there is dawn
Through the pain of crucifixion, there is resurrection
Do not despair, hope in Me
Be still and know that I AM God
Look up to the heavens. Your help comes from the Lord,
The Lord of Heaven and earth
I AM near, and I love you.
In both instances, words were not enough. The first where words were not enough to express own fears; the other where words cannot fully express the sense of God's love.
For some reason, I just sensed that I needed to share this. Having come out of that period, I now look back in thanksgiving at the tenacity of God's love contrasted with the frailty of our own hearts, and how, at the crunch times, when our souls and self-sufficiency crumbles, and every false prop we hang on to fails -- the Father's hand remains steadfast.
Perfect love drives out fear... our confidence lies not in our ability to hold on to God - on the contrary, it is in God's ability to hold on to us, even through the most ferocious storms. We need to rest in the fact that the Father's love covers us. Many a time, I know that even rest does not come easy. But it starts by allowing the the Father to come near. When will we learn?
Labels: Change / Progress, God's Love, Spiritual Growth
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Amen brother. I have journals going back 4 years whilst going through the wilderness, still in there but looking back is educational.
# posted by 
: December 18, 2005 4:47 p.m.
: December 18, 2005 4:47 p.m.
History, in many ways, is the proof in the pudding of God's faithfulness (as the saying goes).
Our experiences manifested in written journals help us to preserve over time what our limited memories cannot. Thus, our personal histories with God will come to show that He is faithful, as so many believers have testified throughout the generations, in trials and tribulations, in life and death.
Our experiences manifested in written journals help us to preserve over time what our limited memories cannot. Thus, our personal histories with God will come to show that He is faithful, as so many believers have testified throughout the generations, in trials and tribulations, in life and death.
# posted by : December 19, 2005 12:14 p.m.
: December 19, 2005 12:14 p.m.Post a Comment
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