Monday, June 18, 2007
Father's day letters to Dad
During this father's day weekend, I spend time reading this book, "Things We Wish We Had Said: Reflections of A Father and Son". This book is a collection of person letters between Tony Campolo and his adult son, Bart. The themes in this book are appropriate for Father's day. It raises the kind of questions that strikes at the core of who we are (Continue to read at your peril):
When I was growing up, did I feel of value?
Where and who gave me the sense of significance and security?
Why am I who I am?
Who are my greatest supporters and cheerleaders?
In one instance where Bart felt he had completely lost his bearings and lost at sea, he recalls a visit by his family, and a life-changing pep talk from his mum:
- "Bart," she said, "you don't have to just stay here and feel helpless and defeated. You are a smart young man and a loving young man. But right now you have stopped looking at the people around you as people to be creatively loved, and you have started to see them only as part of a situation that is hurting you. You've become selfish. That isn't like you. You can certainly come home if you need to, but before you do, I think you need to see what God has brought you here to learn, and who he has brought you here to love and care for. Maybe you won't be a big star to everybody else, after all. But Dad and I believe in you, and we think you can make it here if you remember who you are."
Further on, Bart continues to write in a series of letters to his dad reminiscing as an adult what his dad meant to him and how his dad made a difference in his life:
That visit changed everything for me. The situations did not resolve problems overnight, of course. When you left, I faced the same problems with the same deficiencies I have before (and still have). My attitude, though, was transformed because I knew that even though I might fail sometimes, I still was infinitely valuable. Even though I couldn't solve everything, I had the ability to make a difference wherever I happened to be. Together, you reminded me of my indestructible sense of personal significance.
I know I am infinitely precious because as long as I can remember I have been infinitely precious to you. You see, Dad, the things that mattered most to me when I was a boy, and that still matter the most today, were those times when you let me know I was your highest priority in the world. Over and over again, you said things and did things that made me sure that I was more important to you than your work, your money, your possessions, your adult friends, and even yourself.
The times that I remember best, though, are the times I spent with you. I love those memories best of all, Dad, and they're a big part of who I am. That's the whole point of these letters for me. My childhood is gone, and I will never be able to be with you the way I was with you as a little boy. I will never be that small, and you will never seem that big again. But I have my stories, and they comfort me when I am overwhelmed by the world, when I am too old all of a sudden, when I lose my sense of wonder. They are all I have of my boyhood, and the reason I wish we had spend more time together is that I wish I had more of them now. It isn't that you didn't do enough, you see, for I would always want more. You were the king of the world back then, the imp of fun, the man with all the answers, the one who could always fix what was broken. You made life seem magical to me.When you die, Dad, I will surely go to pieces for a while, because I still count on you more than anyone knows, but in the end I will be all right. I will have my stories, and in them I will always have part of you, the part that tells me who I am and where I came from. I only wish there was more because what there is means the world to me.
Love,
Bart
It was strange — as I flipped the pages through the lens of someone else's experience with his dad, I felt warmed and heartened. At times, I recognized the closeness which the authors touched on between father and son in my own life. Other times, I yearned that my relationship with my own dad could be more like theirs. Maybe deep inside we all yearn for someone to believe in us, to cheer for us, to honor us, and in certain small way uncover the value that God sees in every single person He's fashioned. We don't always get that in the world we live in.
When you were growing up, did you feel valued? Where and who gave you the sense of significance and security? Why are you who you are? Who are your greatest supporters and cheerleaders?
These questions are ones many of us would rather avoid so that we can 'get on with life'. Because it hurts to ask these questions. It forces us to face wounds that are in every single one of us. I am reminded that yearnings in us raise questions of life - they are windows to our soul and must not be ignored. If we do not seek real answers to our yearnings, we would be playing it safe, but the wounds in us will never heal. For me, God has brought me a long way on this journey. Over the past few weeks, He is challenging me to go further. By His grace, I will have the courage to (I hope you too). Watch this space.
Labels: Change / Progress, Christian Living, Hardship / Struggles / Pain, Relationships, Significance / Life Purpose
Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home / Visit My Current Blog!
very inspiring, and it touched my heart. I believe it's a challenge to many more.
Keep on writing these good stuff. Of course, we're all watching this space.
Keep on writing these good stuff. Of course, we're all watching this space.
Thanks- there are some books that we get into. And then there are books that get into us... This one is the latter and definitely worth reading.
Post a Comment
<< Home / Visit My Current Blog!
Subscription service
Enter your email address below to subscribe to Reflections on Life and Spirituality blog!(NOTE: Please be assured that this will not be used for spam or unsolicited communications)
![[Valid Atom]](http://photos1.blogger.com/img/5/5559/400/valid-atom.jpg "Validate my Atom feed"){kind=small}
