Monday, June 18, 2007
Father's day letters to Dad
During this father's day weekend, I spend time reading this book, "Things We Wish We Had Said: Reflections of A Father and Son". This book is a collection of person letters between Tony Campolo and his adult son, Bart. The themes in this book are appropriate for Father's day. It raises the kind of questions that strikes at the core of who we are (Continue to read at your peril):
When I was growing up, did I feel of value?
Where and who gave me the sense of significance and security?
Why am I who I am?
Who are my greatest supporters and cheerleaders?
In one instance where Bart felt he had completely lost his bearings and lost at sea, he recalls a visit by his family, and a life-changing pep talk from his mum:
- "Bart," she said, "you don't have to just stay here and feel helpless and defeated. You are a smart young man and a loving young man. But right now you have stopped looking at the people around you as people to be creatively loved, and you have started to see them only as part of a situation that is hurting you. You've become selfish. That isn't like you. You can certainly come home if you need to, but before you do, I think you need to see what God has brought you here to learn, and who he has brought you here to love and care for. Maybe you won't be a big star to everybody else, after all. But Dad and I believe in you, and we think you can make it here if you remember who you are."
Further on, Bart continues to write in a series of letters to his dad reminiscing as an adult what his dad meant to him and how his dad made a difference in his life:
That visit changed everything for me. The situations did not resolve problems overnight, of course. When you left, I faced the same problems with the same deficiencies I have before (and still have). My attitude, though, was transformed because I knew that even though I might fail sometimes, I still was infinitely valuable. Even though I couldn't solve everything, I had the ability to make a difference wherever I happened to be. Together, you reminded me of my indestructible sense of personal significance.
I know I am infinitely precious because as long as I can remember I have been infinitely precious to you. You see, Dad, the things that mattered most to me when I was a boy, and that still matter the most today, were those times when you let me know I was your highest priority in the world. Over and over again, you said things and did things that made me sure that I was more important to you than your work, your money, your possessions, your adult friends, and even yourself.
The times that I remember best, though, are the times I spent with you. I love those memories best of all, Dad, and they're a big part of who I am. That's the whole point of these letters for me. My childhood is gone, and I will never be able to be with you the way I was with you as a little boy. I will never be that small, and you will never seem that big again. But I have my stories, and they comfort me when I am overwhelmed by the world, when I am too old all of a sudden, when I lose my sense of wonder. They are all I have of my boyhood, and the reason I wish we had spend more time together is that I wish I had more of them now. It isn't that you didn't do enough, you see, for I would always want more. You were the king of the world back then, the imp of fun, the man with all the answers, the one who could always fix what was broken. You made life seem magical to me.When you die, Dad, I will surely go to pieces for a while, because I still count on you more than anyone knows, but in the end I will be all right. I will have my stories, and in them I will always have part of you, the part that tells me who I am and where I came from. I only wish there was more because what there is means the world to me.
Love,
Bart
It was strange — as I flipped the pages through the lens of someone else's experience with his dad, I felt warmed and heartened. At times, I recognized the closeness which the authors touched on between father and son in my own life. Other times, I yearned that my relationship with my own dad could be more like theirs. Maybe deep inside we all yearn for someone to believe in us, to cheer for us, to honor us, and in certain small way uncover the value that God sees in every single person He's fashioned. We don't always get that in the world we live in.
When you were growing up, did you feel valued? Where and who gave you the sense of significance and security? Why are you who you are? Who are your greatest supporters and cheerleaders?
These questions are ones many of us would rather avoid so that we can 'get on with life'. Because it hurts to ask these questions. It forces us to face wounds that are in every single one of us. I am reminded that yearnings in us raise questions of life - they are windows to our soul and must not be ignored. If we do not seek real answers to our yearnings, we would be playing it safe, but the wounds in us will never heal. For me, God has brought me a long way on this journey. Over the past few weeks, He is challenging me to go further. By His grace, I will have the courage to (I hope you too). Watch this space.
Labels: Change / Progress, Christian Living, Hardship / Struggles / Pain, Relationships, Significance / Life Purpose
Continue to read "Father's day letters to Dad...."# posted by Sal : 11:42 p.m.
Join the dialogue: 2 comments - Yours?
| Be notified of new blogs | Forward to a friend
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Expressing the Inexpressible
I made a trip last week to Snowdonia National Park - one of the most awesome places of natural beauty in the UK. But during this same weekend, there is a void inside my heart that is pulling stronger. You see, it's coming to a year since my gran's passing, and April 13 was her birthday. This weekend has been an dizzying infusion of experiences -- through the struggles of aching muscles, the elations of hilly ascents, and the harmonic pauses of vast mountain tranquility, I am reminded that expressions of beauty - akin to feelings of loss and notions of heartache -- are, more often than not, inexpressible. I'm struggling to unscramble what my heart feels to express -- to untangle and describe the part of my heart that feels a silhouetted void.People say that when someone you love leaves, it takes a piece of you with them. I wonder if this is what they mean: this sense of heartache that I feel. Like a shadow that casts over the heart when I am reminded that I can no longer go over to gran's house to see her. Or that despairing thug that I feel whenever I am reminded that I cannot anymore hear her words of wisdom and encouragement that I so dearly miss. How can I describe the loss of someone who has most loved me? Here's what I have been struggling with...
It's weird you know - there is a fear within me that I will forget her, and what she has left behind in all of us. My gran has demonstrated without measure how so fiercely loyal the love of God is for those of us who call upon His name. The constancy of the Father's faithfulness overflowed in good measure even through through her fears and failings.
Hebrews says that we are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses. The witness is in the way they lived their lives -- those who testified as a sinner, but forgiven as if a saint through the sacrifice of Christ. The witness is also in the way God has used them for His purposes - inspite of all the failings and frailty of their human weakness, the manifestation of God's power shines radiantly through.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:1-2)
As I was bowled over by the majestic mountains, and as the far-reaching landscapes of Snowdon gradually pan by through the window panes of a mini-bus, God whispered, "She's in a place more beautiful than this".I realise I miss her. The ache still surfaces at unexpected places through a picture, song, story or landscape. The views were spectacular, but the reminder was bittersweet. For me, it brought into rememberance the endurance race that we, as children of God, are in. I am reminded of how powerful, and necessary it is for us to have a sense of people from the present and the past cheering us on.
This cloud of witnesses, as the Bible puts it, are cheering. They are spurring us on: Will you finish? Will you run and make us proud?
For me, amongst this crowd of godly citizens, I can imagine my gran staring fondly at me, with a soft smile and a determined gaze, saying: "I have made my journey, now you make yours.""Run on and make me proud."
Hearing those words made me sad to be reminded of my gran. But I sense a welling-up in my spirit, with renewed fuel for the journey.
Yes, I am reminded that it's all about a long-haul journey: Run well and run vehemently. Finish the race in the right place. Make sure I cross the right line. Finally, come bearing fruit.
Labels: Hardship / Struggles / Pain, Spiritual Growth, Tragedy / Death
Continue to read "Expressing the Inexpressible...."# posted by Sal : 12:38 a.m.
Join the dialogue: 2 comments - Yours?
| Be notified of new blogs | Forward to a friend
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Cost of Following Christ
God has been challenging me towards what I would term as "higher allegiances" over the past weeks. In the last few days, He has been more directed in terms of drawing me towards specific verses in His word.After breakfast Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," Peter replied, "you know I love you." "Then feed my lambs," Jesus told him. Jesus repeated the question: "Simon son of John, do you love me?" "Yes, Lord," Peter said, "you know I love you." "Then take care of my sheep," Jesus said. Once more he asked him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter was grieved that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, "Lord, you know everything. You know I love you." Jesus said, "Then feed my sheep. (John 21:15-17, NLT).
In the above account, Jesus was asking Peter a few times.... Do you love Me? The response from Peter was, in effect, "Yes Lord, you know I like you" -- hesitant and tentative. By the time Jesus asked the third time, Peter was hurt. I always wondered why - was he hurt because he felt Jesus didn't believe him? Was Peter hurt because he felt that Jesus was condemning him for denying Him? Did Peter feel like Jesus was rubbing salt in the wound? Perhaps...
But I read the passage with new eyes today. What I realised was that Peter was hurt because he knew he could not trust himself. Jesus was asking Peter three times to bring him back to his failures, not with a slap of condemnation, but to encourage him to count the cost of following the Master. Christ was in effect also saying, "Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure?"
"Count the cost, Peter. You denied me the last time you said you wouldn't. Did you think it was going to be easy?"
By then Peter was no longer the same person who was rash in saying yes without counting the cost. The sovereign Lord saw his heart. He was no longer speaking without any knowledge of what he was getting into. The brash, impulsive "I will follow you Lord anywhere" Peter has been broken. Disappointment. Anguish. Hurt. Scarred. In many ways, because his close association with Christ.
Do we know what its like to be broken inside by the Lord? The brokenness gives us a perspective not shaped by youthful impulsiveness, humanistic enthusiasm and foolish arrogance, but by a wiser, more sober disposition. Do we think our journeys with Christ is going to be easy? Christ will ask of all of us - I know He is challenging me - "When you say you love Me, what does it mean?"
- "If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it-- lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, 'This man began to build and was not able to finish.' Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is still a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace. So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple."
When you get a raw deal, one after another, after another. Just like Joseph.
When every one and every circumstance seems to be against you. Just like Elijah.
When the Lord requires that you sacrifice the things (or even that one thing) that you most cherish. Just like Abraham.
I was challenged: Do I love Christ, or do I merely follow the "hassle-free" notion of Christ in my head? Can I follow the Jesus that entails being a participant in His sufferings, one that involves a price to pay? If you have not honestly answered that question - sooner or later, He will ask you, if you are serious in following Him further as a disciple. Just as He has asked Peter. Just as He is asking me again now.This question -- and our response -- will be painful. Painful because it will shine light on the reality of our relationship with Him. How deep are the roots? How much are we truly following? Whom are we really following, Jesus or the notion of Jesus? Is it contingent on people and circumstances? Does it transcend things most precious to us?
Ultimately, Jesus requires of us to bury things precious to us to follow Him when the occasions call for it: To step out of our zones of comfort. Getting past fears. Getting past self-pity. Getting past the need for self-vindication. But not just to get past, but also to follow, and enter into His kingdom's purposes. Jesus says it many times when he puts out calls for disciples.
- Now it happened as they journeyed on the road, that someone said to Him, "Lord, I will follow You wherever You go." And Jesus said to him, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head." Then He said to another, "Follow Me." But he said, "Lord, let me first go and bury my father." Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and preach the kingdom of God." And another also said, "Lord, I will follow You, but let me first go and bid them farewell who are at my house." But Jesus said to him, "No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God." (Luke 9: 57-62, NKJV)
"I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." (John 21:18-19, NLT)
Labels: Church Life, Discipleship, Hardship / Struggles / Pain
Continue to read "Cost of Following Christ...."# posted by Sal : 11:03 p.m.
Join the dialogue: 0 comments - Yours?
| Be notified of new blogs | Forward to a friend
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Faith and suffering
I received an email recently from a friend whom I have not been in contact with for more than four years. In the course of our exchanges, he shared the fact that he and his wife are going through the pain of losing their first two unborn babies, one after another. In these situations, there cannot be any words or actions that can fully take away the hardship that my friend and his wife must be undergoing.He mentioned that often times, he finds himself feeling angry with God and how everything has turned out. He has also admitted that his faith has been pushed to the limit, and daily he finds that it's moving from one milestone to the next. I did feel for his situation, and this had made me consider about faith and suffering...
I found that I could not conjure up the 'right' words to say to him. But I prayed that God would hold both of them, which I also expressed to him.
I was re-reading a book "When Heaven Is Silent" by Ron Dunn. The author expresses a perspective on faith and suffering very frankly:
- "... I have always thought of faith as a buffer, a cushion that would protect me from the sharp edges of life. But when one of those sharp edges penetrated my faith and pierced my flesh - that's when the questions began. That's when I made the shattering discovery: you can trust God and still get hurt.
And that's when you begin to discover what kind of faith you have, because there is one thing both God and Satan agree on: faith that depends upon prosperity is not genuine. Satan's challenge (in the book of Job) is legitimate."
In a world that is clamouring for easy and instant answers - even as children of God we do this - in the end, we have to learn to accept that for many circumstances there won't be answers to our whys or hows. God is sovereign - we need to trust that even through the most intense pain, God works all things for the good of those who love Him, and are called by His purposes (Romans 8:28). It is easy and dangerous to romanticise or oversimplify this verse. Sometimes, healings don't come, problems are not solved, and forgiveness is not released - and we can only hang on to the fact that God's grace is sufficient for us in our weakness. We try to pick up the pieces in periods of pain and brokenness - and sometimes, like in my friend's situation, the pieces do not come back together as we like it to.
In the end, Ron Dunn, who himself went through many years of agony and depression over his teenage son's suicide before writing his book, does not write with any cavalier notions or heroic whims about a faith that is centered on humanistic thinking, religiousity, and easy-living. He paints a picture of the kind of faith that is authentic:
Faith is...
- the wisdom to see treasure in trash;
- the courage to face things as they are, not as we wish them to be;
- the boldness to embrace those things and say, 'I will not let You go unless you bless me,' making our greatest weakness our greatest strength.
Then, and only then, do these 'things' become fuel for our journey and construction material for building a Christ-like life.
Words and intentions are sometimes cheap -- what matters is the fruit that materializes when we abide in Christ.
Labels: Hardship / Struggles / Pain
Continue to read "Faith and suffering...."# posted by Sal : 1:04 p.m.
Join the dialogue: 4 comments - Yours?
| Be notified of new blogs | Forward to a friend
Saturday, June 24, 2006
The Fight
I have been searching for answers over the past weeks. Asking myself why it aches when I think about my grandmother, eventhough I know in my head she is in a better place; that God is taking care of her; that I will see her again. These are all the promises that God gives us. But yet there are days when the sun shines so brightly this summer, it feels like it's raining inside. I can sense something has changed in me -- something is rattling in my spirit, but I do not know what it is or how to express it. I keep asking why, and a brother at this Wednesday's fellowship prayed with me when I shared this burden with him –- he prayed that there would be clarity. God is faithful and here's what He has been bringing about:Today, I read something that awakened my ears and enlightened the eyes of my heart. It is from the classic book by John White called The Fight. One portion leaped at me:
- "We need real kindness to surround us, not commercial or neurotic kindness. We need loving kindness based on commitment. You need it yourself. Somewhere in the world you need a body of people who will always accept you and always care for you whether you are attractive or not. If you sin, they may rebuke you. They may demand that you repend or put something right. But they will never disown you, never abandon you and never stop caring. Their commitment to you is not based on admiration for you but on the more solid ground of Christ's person and work."
But the irony was this. In the past year when she was ill, the people closest to her - my dad, my brother and myself - were tested. Indirectly, her situation tested the mettle inherent in the kind of love we had for her. When she could no longer give anything to us, when she was of "no use" to us, when everything we held in our minds about her during her healthy days were no longer true - our love for her was tested - whether we would 'always accept and always care'.
It was a struggle, but I learned. I learned that we have to eventually learn to love people not by what our senses tell us, not through merely emotions, or how we feel towards them at a particular point in time. We have to love by commitment - that when someone belongs to you, you are committed to them, despite internal or external circumstances. That is the truth and reality of God's love for us - love guided by truth, moved towards actions and not hindered by apathy, even if it shoulders the heavy burdens of sacrifice. That is the kind of tough love that the Father is calling us towards. Isn't that what all of us are fighting for, fighting with, and fighting to receive?
I am grateful for God's reminder today. The fight continues.
Labels: Encouragement, Hardship / Struggles / Pain, Relationships
Continue to read "The Fight...."# posted by Sal : 1:49 a.m.
Join the dialogue: 3 comments - Yours?
| Be notified of new blogs | Forward to a friend
Monday, June 05, 2006
Returning Home
A year ago, God impressed this verse upon my heart for my grandmother, in a time when she was very ill.
- "... unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." (John 12:24)
- "I know you love her, but I love her more than you ever will. I am with her and she is safe with Me."
- "I want you to remember her not for her sufferings, but for the seeds that were sown in the lives of the people she came in contact with - seeds of blessing, seeds of hope, and seeds of encouragement. She is My good and faithful servant."
- And today, on the day of her going:
"Rejoice in the fact that I have given her to you. She is a very special lady, and I have her with Me now."
C.S. Lewis wrote this:
- You never know how much you really believe anything until its trust or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death. It is easy to say you believe a rope to be strong as long as you are merely using it to cord a box. But suppose you had to hang by that rope over a precipice. Wouldn't you then first discover how much you really trusted it?
-- A Grief Observed
Yes, one will never see the full power of God's Word until circumstances in your life depended on it. In the years of her illness, my gran was cogent but never could read the bible that much. But I realise that she didn't need to anymore - because God's Word was already hidden deeply in her heart and it ministered to her whenever she was lonely, fearful, or in pain. She trusted in the Lord and He never forsaked her.
I will no doubt miss my grandmother, but the gaping hole in my heart is made less painful because I know in my spirit that she is in better place. She went peacefully today to a place where there is no pain and no more tears.
- "Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away." (Rev 21:3-4)
To Gran: Goodbye. Thank you for imparting in me a spiritual heritage, a heart to encourage, and an understanding of the depth of God's love. See you again someday in Heaven.
Related post:
Labels: Hardship / Struggles / Pain, Tragedy / Death
Continue to read "Returning Home...."# posted by Sal : 10:06 a.m.
Join the dialogue: 3 comments - Yours?
| Be notified of new blogs | Forward to a friend
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
The Weight of Discouragement
I am not sure if you have ever felt like you are being hit from all sides - you carry an overwhelming sense of discouragement and don't know whether to run, hide or fight. Right now, I feel like that: wanting to throw my hands up in the air and say "that's it, I've had all I can take. I am walking away from it all"...
Over the past weeks, I have felt discouraged in my spirit over a few things and it feels like there is a battle within me. Things have not been going smoothly: it seems like there have been distractions, misunderstandings, confusions, etc that have come (or have been thrown?) my way. I feel so weighed down and burdened:
a. Have been piled on with work - stressful; b. My gran's terminal illness has in the past 2 weeks has deteriorated and I have to go home soon, and c. incidents of misunderstanding with the current fellowship I am serving in has discouraged me (all of which has cropped just in the last 3 weeks!)..
Someone once told me: It's so easy to build for so many years, and only an instant to walk away from it all. How true.
I have been reading Nehemiah and noticed how the enemy taunted the Jews from rebuilding the wall. I have come to the realization there is more than meets the eye in my own situation. I KNOW that the enemy is using my weakness to throw accusations: What is the use of trying? Why bother? Do people deserve what you have done? Do they understand? Do they thank you for it? It's only you and no-one else is bothered. If you walked away, it would not mean one bit.
I hurt not because it's not true, but because sometimes it feels like it is, and those questions seemingly rhetorical.
Nehemiah 4:10 is symbolic: "There is so much rubble that we cannot rebuild the wall".
It's so easy to build for so many years, and only an instant to walk away from it all.
Yes, it is in these times, when the enemy is taunting us to run and do the contrary to what the Lord wants you to do, that we need to take heed. This is done though subtle thoughts, logical rationalizations and through playing on your weaknesses, as I have experienced myself. Same tactics, tailored to your own circumstances and hangups - appealing to your pride, creating doubts, questioning God's goodness and 'negotiating' to settle for something less than what God intends.
Whose voice am I to follow? The voice of the accuser, or the call of the Shepherd?
I sense in my spirit God saying, "If you give up now, you will walk away from all the things that I have built in your life all these years. What you see as your ministry is not your own, but My work. You continue to labor"
Nehemiah 4:13 reads like this: "Therefore I stationed some of the people behind the lowest points of the wall at the exposed places, posting them by families with their swords, spears and bows." One commentator said what Nehemiah was trying to do was not just protect the most vulnerable places, he was trying to show them their strength. He was trying to show them what they had when they all rallied together.
"Stationing people behind the lowest points of the wall at the exposed places" - I was sharing this burden with another brother in my church through an email, and I was encouraged by his response: "I'm really concerned for you brother... it sounds like you're going through a tough time at the moment. I'd love to get together and talk and pray about it with you, if you think that might be good." In times like these, it's not the time to deal with the problem by yourself, but instead rally together.Nehemiah 4:14 continues, "after I looked things over and I thought it through and I addressed the needs, I said, 'don't be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.'"
The story is not concluded for me yet, but my eyes must be on the Lord. The enemy is watching this space. So am I. But my faith rises to know that ultimately, the awesome Lord of the universe has this space in his hands, watching over and covering you, me or any external adverse intents. Focus on Him.
Labels: Hardship / Struggles / Pain
Continue to read "The Weight of Discouragement...."# posted by Sal : 12:42 a.m.
Join the dialogue: 5 comments - Yours?
| Be notified of new blogs | Forward to a friend
Monday, May 01, 2006
Ship of fools?
Yesterday, at church members' meeting, we were reminded how as a church (or fellowship) on the move, our lives together is akin to a long voyage on a ship - the only way that the ship is going to make it is if we pull together.The pastor drew out five simple yet somewhat profound elements from life on a ship, which is required if the church or fellowship are to continue to be on the move. Here's what I noted down...
- Physical structure - the material elements of form, function, equipment and facilities.
- Personnel structure - the crew know their gifts, their functions and know how to pull their weight. We are all crew members, no-one should be a passenger.
- Compass & direction - ship's leaders know where they are and where they are headed; guided by the credible Source.
- Attacks & turbulence - we expect storms and adverse situations; if the ship is leaking, we not only need to bail water but also plug leaks. When unhealthy thoughts come (e.g. "nobody knows what I am going through", "things are not the same anymore", "my needs are not being met", etc), we have to be open to the possibility of the enemy at work.
- Comradeship & learning to bear each other's burdens - this is often the toughest challenge, where the 'attack' is from within the ship. In ministry, we sometimes indirectly demand recognition. We demand that people understand our motives and the decisions that we make. We demand that because we serve, our needs must be met. We want to look good rather than do right in the eyes of the Lord. We poke at the planks in others' eyes yet our own is sticking out like a sore thumb. Sometimes, we serve but do not carry a servant's heart. It is not a wonder there is hurt and disappointment.
Someone once quoted: Getting hurt in ministry is not merely a potential 'hazard of the trade.' Rather it is often the central process by which the best ministry gets done; that is, provided we stick on long enough. The easy route is to jump ship - there is nothing wrong with that, if that is where God is leading us.
To frame it further into the future: Will history record our ships reaching its intended destination with minimal casualties, or will it find a ship of fools sunk at the bottom of the sea?
Labels: Church Life, Hardship / Struggles / Pain
Continue to read "Ship of fools?...."# posted by Sal : 1:51 a.m.
Join the dialogue: 2 comments - Yours?
| Be notified of new blogs | Forward to a friend
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Prodigal Heart's Cry
I am visiting my gran who had a critical cancer operation almost a year ago. She is stable, although in what I would consider 'living in the grace of God', which is given to her at this time. There is a certain sacredness even though things are not perfect, when we keep going back to the Father - much like the story of the prodigal son.
A thousand heartaches, a million tears
Through perfect Love, taking our fears
With You, we find our heart's true home
A Love we have never known
With open arms, a Father's embrace
A Son's blood, a past erased
A kiss from Heaven, taking our shame
With nailed scared hands, engraving our name
More than words could ever say
More than a sacrifice to pay
For a sinner's cry and a child's plea
If not for You, where would we be?
In lean times, our 'will in remembering' is something we need to exercise. Recognizing the poverty of the past and God's hand in taking us out of our miry clays, gives us hope.
A thousand heartaches, a million tears
Through perfect Love, taking our fears
With You, we find our heart's true home
A Love we have never known
With open arms, a Father's embrace
A Son's blood, a past erased
A kiss from Heaven, taking our shame
With nailed scared hands, engraving our name
More than words could ever say
More than a sacrifice to pay
For a sinner's cry and a child's plea
If not for You, where would we be?
In lean times, our 'will in remembering' is something we need to exercise. Recognizing the poverty of the past and God's hand in taking us out of our miry clays, gives us hope.
Labels: Hardship / Struggles / Pain, Inspirations / Poem
Continue to read "Prodigal Heart's Cry...."# posted by Sal : 2:51 p.m.
Join the dialogue: 0 comments - Yours?
| Be notified of new blogs | Forward to a friend
Monday, December 19, 2005
Christmas sorrows
Christmas is almost upon us and I am reminded that the event of baby Jesus' birth was probably not a festive one. Try to imagine the disillusionment of Joseph and Mary - one inn after another rejecting them. No place to deliver the Child of promise that Yahweh so gloriously declared to them nine months back.After the miracle of conception, inspiring prophecies and the faithfulness of Joseph to marry her, I can imagine Mary's shattered expectations - having to give birth in a urine-soaked, dung-filled stable. Their hearts must have been broken: "Why God? If this is Your Son, why don't you provide a place for us? Will you not come through for us? Did we hear you wrongly?"
It is supposed to be a grand and glorious affair. Why is everything going against us? If God You are in this, why is everything so difficult? What if it's not true?
Can we not understand? These are probably the same cries from the deep recesses of our own hearts.
But I am reminded that God's kingdom is upside-down to what man usually assumes it to be. With promise, comes adversary. With victory, comes sacrifice. With destiny, comes tribulations. And trust first before security. Humility before exaltation. Sorrow before gladness.
But make no mistake, night will turn to day, darkness into light: God will come through at the most opportune time, through what we see as another hopelessly silent night. For Joseph and Mary, little did they realise that God was already preparing the way in confirming His hand upon them, in that lowly manger hardly fit for man, let alone a Sovereign King.
- And they came with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the Babe lying in a manger. Now when they had seen Him, they made widely known the saying which was told them concerning this Child. And all those who heard it marveled at those things which were told them by the shepherds. (Luke 2:16-18)
But the word of God also says: Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart. (Luke 2:19)
Perhaps this how Mary learned to live through the heartaches that would follow in Jesus' life. Clinging on to the promise even when the eye is blind and the mind does not understand how any good can come out of adverse circumstances.
Our heavenly Father works in the most unlikely of circumstances and time - a baby from a virgin's womb, 'God with us' in a urine-soaked, dung-filled manger, and the Prince of Peace crucified with the foulest of thieves. Until we let God be God - stop second guessing his ways, and pulling strings to build our own kingdoms - until we come to that place of trust, the Lord is not yet the Shepherd of our souls, as the writer of the Psalms expresses.
- The LORD is my shepherd; I have everything I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.
Even when I walk through the dark valley of death, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.
(New Living Translation, Ps 23:1-4)
Lord, be it according to Your Word. Help us see through the darkness of night without fretting, into the morning of promise and purpose.
Labels: Hardship / Struggles / Pain, Spiritual Direction / Guidance
Continue to read "Christmas sorrows...."# posted by Sal : 12:15 a.m.
Join the dialogue: 8 comments - Yours?
| Be notified of new blogs | Forward to a friend
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Choices and battle strategies
Here are brief notes on this week's Sunday sermon - about the battle between David and Goliath which is related to my previous post on being battleweary.
The Lord was gracious in sending a 'word in season' almost immediately after reflecting on it only a couple of days ago. Here is a summary...
The pastor expounded on the need for each believer to make explicit choices in preparing for 'battle' (1 Samuel 17).
1) Choose your giant (v4-11)
We can't fight all the battles at once, so it is important to choose which battles and specific giants to come up against. The giants can be internal (e.g. attitudes, motivations, character flaws, struggle with sins) or external (e.g. taking a stand against broader issues such as secular values that are diametrically opposed to God's word, stemming the tide of abortion, the crowding out of Christian values from media, etc). Are we wise in choosing the right giants to fight?
2) Choose faithfulness (v12-24)
Way before he slew Goliath, David was tending sheep, serving his warrior brothers' needs, and fighting off lions and bears. Nobody noticed him in that part of his "preparation". Nobody, except the Lord, that is. How faithful are we in small things and in those 'unseen' battles, when we think nobody is noticing? Because God will prepare us for bigger things.
3) Choose righteousness (v25-27)
When Goliath challenged the Israelite army, the men reasoned amongst themselves in terms of earthly values: "... and it shall be that the man who kills him the king will enrich with great riches, will give him his daughter, and give his father's house exemption from taxes in Israel."
What is our motivation for getting rid of the giants of sin in our lives? Is it to make more friends? For a better career to make more money? Or is it just part of our own self-improvement efforts to make our lives better?
David motivation to Goliath's challenge was, "For who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?" How much do we love God and His righteousness? How pure are our motives?
4) Choose friends (v28-31)
People closest to us can be the very people who will rob us from our destiny in God. They can be family, they can also be close friends.
For David, it was his older brother Eliab who spoke out against him: "Why did you come down here? And with whom have you left those few sheep in the wilderness? I know your pride and the insolence of your heart..."
Who do we listen and give our attention to? Choose friends who are godly and wise in preparing for battle. It may determine whether you even make it to the battleground...
5) Choose armour (v37-39)
Many of us try to live our Christian lives in the law and through other people's experiences and victories. We think that if we read the bible more, we will be more righteous. We think that we can make up for sinful areas by doing good in others. We think that if others think we are alright, then we are righteous. These are all false items of security, faulty armory.
Nothing can add or lessen the righteousness that was earned through the blood of Jesus and what He has done on the cross. Choose to fight in the security which is the Lord Himself. Put on the armour of righteousness, but under grace and in Christ, not under the law. Our feet needs to be fitted with the readiness of the gospel of Christ. How secure are we in the love of God, and only in the love of God? How prepared are we to give an answer in defense of the gospel?
6) Choose weapons (v40-44)
We try to apply formulae and human methods in our battles, but victories can only come through applying the Word of God in the power and annointing of the Spirit. There is no other way. Without abiding in the vine that is Christ himself, we can do nothing and will see no fruit.
David said to his giant, "You come to me with a sword, with a spear, and with a javelin. But I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you and take your head from you."
Ultimately, the battle is for your mind. How much do we allow God's Word to penetrate / shape our thinking and outlook? How much do we wield the sword of the Spirit?
7) Choose victory (v47-51)
In the final picture, the battle belongs to the Lord and He has already given us the victory. But the question is how much we believe that 'fact' deep down inside.
When Goliath came on the scene, the Israelites feared how big he was and wondered whether their weapons were adequete. But David saw how big Goliath was and wondered how he could possibly miss when he took aim!
Faith is built and strengthened by action, especially when it is enlarged and stretched. We have got to labour. We have got to tear down. Step beyond our own 'comfort' territories. But what will ensure victory is God's Word living in us through the Holy Spirit.
How much does faith truimph over unbelief in our lives? Are your giants so big that your weapons seem so small, or are your giants so big that you cannot possibly miss when you cast your weapons to fight? It's not enough just to passively believe, it needs to be a matter of whether we act by faith.
Expect great things. Attempt great things. But be wise in the choices we make along the way.
The Lord was gracious in sending a 'word in season' almost immediately after reflecting on it only a couple of days ago. Here is a summary...
The pastor expounded on the need for each believer to make explicit choices in preparing for 'battle' (1 Samuel 17).
1) Choose your giant (v4-11)
We can't fight all the battles at once, so it is important to choose which battles and specific giants to come up against. The giants can be internal (e.g. attitudes, motivations, character flaws, struggle with sins) or external (e.g. taking a stand against broader issues such as secular values that are diametrically opposed to God's word, stemming the tide of abortion, the crowding out of Christian values from media, etc). Are we wise in choosing the right giants to fight?
2) Choose faithfulness (v12-24)
Way before he slew Goliath, David was tending sheep, serving his warrior brothers' needs, and fighting off lions and bears. Nobody noticed him in that part of his "preparation". Nobody, except the Lord, that is. How faithful are we in small things and in those 'unseen' battles, when we think nobody is noticing? Because God will prepare us for bigger things.
3) Choose righteousness (v25-27)
When Goliath challenged the Israelite army, the men reasoned amongst themselves in terms of earthly values: "... and it shall be that the man who kills him the king will enrich with great riches, will give him his daughter, and give his father's house exemption from taxes in Israel."
What is our motivation for getting rid of the giants of sin in our lives? Is it to make more friends? For a better career to make more money? Or is it just part of our own self-improvement efforts to make our lives better?
David motivation to Goliath's challenge was, "For who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?" How much do we love God and His righteousness? How pure are our motives?
4) Choose friends (v28-31)
People closest to us can be the very people who will rob us from our destiny in God. They can be family, they can also be close friends.
For David, it was his older brother Eliab who spoke out against him: "Why did you come down here? And with whom have you left those few sheep in the wilderness? I know your pride and the insolence of your heart..."
Who do we listen and give our attention to? Choose friends who are godly and wise in preparing for battle. It may determine whether you even make it to the battleground...
5) Choose armour (v37-39)
Many of us try to live our Christian lives in the law and through other people's experiences and victories. We think that if we read the bible more, we will be more righteous. We think that we can make up for sinful areas by doing good in others. We think that if others think we are alright, then we are righteous. These are all false items of security, faulty armory.
Nothing can add or lessen the righteousness that was earned through the blood of Jesus and what He has done on the cross. Choose to fight in the security which is the Lord Himself. Put on the armour of righteousness, but under grace and in Christ, not under the law. Our feet needs to be fitted with the readiness of the gospel of Christ. How secure are we in the love of God, and only in the love of God? How prepared are we to give an answer in defense of the gospel?
6) Choose weapons (v40-44)
We try to apply formulae and human methods in our battles, but victories can only come through applying the Word of God in the power and annointing of the Spirit. There is no other way. Without abiding in the vine that is Christ himself, we can do nothing and will see no fruit.
David said to his giant, "You come to me with a sword, with a spear, and with a javelin. But I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you and take your head from you."
Ultimately, the battle is for your mind. How much do we allow God's Word to penetrate / shape our thinking and outlook? How much do we wield the sword of the Spirit?
7) Choose victory (v47-51)
In the final picture, the battle belongs to the Lord and He has already given us the victory. But the question is how much we believe that 'fact' deep down inside.
When Goliath came on the scene, the Israelites feared how big he was and wondered whether their weapons were adequete. But David saw how big Goliath was and wondered how he could possibly miss when he took aim!
Faith is built and strengthened by action, especially when it is enlarged and stretched. We have got to labour. We have got to tear down. Step beyond our own 'comfort' territories. But what will ensure victory is God's Word living in us through the Holy Spirit.
How much does faith truimph over unbelief in our lives? Are your giants so big that your weapons seem so small, or are your giants so big that you cannot possibly miss when you cast your weapons to fight? It's not enough just to passively believe, it needs to be a matter of whether we act by faith.
Expect great things. Attempt great things. But be wise in the choices we make along the way.
Labels: Hardship / Struggles / Pain, Spiritual Growth
Continue to read "Choices and battle strategies...."# posted by Sal : 8:28 p.m.
Join the dialogue: 0 comments - Yours?
| Be notified of new blogs | Forward to a friend
Saturday, July 02, 2005
Battleweary - what should we do?
I have just returned from a trip to the Scottish Highlands (Braveheart and Loch Ness country), relishing the crisp air, gazing upon dramatic landscapes, hearing tales of mighty battles in the land of times past, and being drawn into a the awesome sense of freedom that these vast mountains seem to beckon. Sheer magnificence.
Imagining the tales of battles in days gone by, it crossed my mind that the concept of tearing down (strongholds in our lives) is as evident in the Bible as the notion of building. I know that I desire to move forward, but am I doing enough tearing down?
Whatever label you put on it, casting down, dispossessing, breaking free or slaying giants - it is as much about tearing down as it is about moving forward towards building our lives in the image of Christ - this is what God's word tells us (Matthew 12:29). Before we 'plunder the house' and 'reap the rewards', we need to bind the strong man. Old wineskins need to be torn and broken for new wine to fill (Matthew 9:17). This involves a battle, and where there is a battle, there is bloodshed and pain. Because of this, we often forget or ignore the tearing down aspect. We want the progress but not the pain. We expect growth but not the grief. We run rather than fight the giants. Another day... we tell ourselves.
Some of us spend a considerable part of our waking hours trying to institute cover-up measures and avoid pain at the cost of gaining liberty and moving forward. We try to move forward without removing the ball and chain, travelling heavy rather than travelling light, turning in the way of least resistance when we should be forcefully heading towards the correct destination. We often stop along the way to entertain the very things that snare us. We sometimes blame others for issues that we should address ourselves. We dress it up with rational justifications to avoid dealing with the deficiencies in our inner self and to let the Lord deal with it.
We are very scared of pain, we are scared of seeing ourselves as weak, we are terrified to let others see us as we are, but yet we are terrified of being alone.... All these stop us from tearing down and destroying strongholds.
Laying down the "heavies"... this requires us to often stop walking for a while. It requires attention and often costs us in terms of painful "soul surgery" and slow healing, which hinder 'progress' in the short term. (John 16:21). Where there is separation, our hearts yearn. When past hurts continue to cause us to stumble, there is pain. Where there is discouragement and disappointment, our souls anguish. Where there is sin, our conscience 'aches'. Through it all, there is a purpose to pain and aching, whether physical, emotional or spiritual -- and that is, to point out that something has gone awry and needs fixing.
I am feeling battleweary right now... the energy required to put up resistance is lacking, tearing down seems that little bit more difficult. "What's the use in trying? You have let things slide this far already, there's no way back..." I know that all these are not from God. That is why I am pondering on these issues. And God is reminding me whose voice I should listen to (Galatians 5:7-10).
The whole theme of the Word of God is about restoration. To me, it says:
Resistance is not futile. Building up means that we need to tear down first - casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ - within and without - God's way, not ours. Yes, restoration is upon us - Sitting back and taking things easy is not an option; resistance is required despite how we feel or how much of a 'losing' battle it seems. It is times like this I am reminding myself - I have come this far, the Lord is has come through for me and has fought my battles, I am not turning back and backing down. No one who has put his hand to the plough and turns back is fit for the kingdom of God (Luke 7:57-62)
Well, if you are like me and you feel there seems to be an impasse - no way forward or no way back after fighting battles and tearing down strongholds, then it is especially time to rest, kneel before Him and build an altar. That's what spiritual heroes like David did. That's what Elijah did. Daniel did. As did Joseph. And that's what I am doing.
Whose voice should I listen to? Well, certainly not the one that says "what's the use in trying?".
I'm soldiering on. Continue tearing down and rebuilding. Don't expect it to get easier.
But we can take heart that the battle belongs to the Lord.
Imagining the tales of battles in days gone by, it crossed my mind that the concept of tearing down (strongholds in our lives) is as evident in the Bible as the notion of building. I know that I desire to move forward, but am I doing enough tearing down?
Whatever label you put on it, casting down, dispossessing, breaking free or slaying giants - it is as much about tearing down as it is about moving forward towards building our lives in the image of Christ - this is what God's word tells us (Matthew 12:29). Before we 'plunder the house' and 'reap the rewards', we need to bind the strong man. Old wineskins need to be torn and broken for new wine to fill (Matthew 9:17). This involves a battle, and where there is a battle, there is bloodshed and pain. Because of this, we often forget or ignore the tearing down aspect. We want the progress but not the pain. We expect growth but not the grief. We run rather than fight the giants. Another day... we tell ourselves.
Some of us spend a considerable part of our waking hours trying to institute cover-up measures and avoid pain at the cost of gaining liberty and moving forward. We try to move forward without removing the ball and chain, travelling heavy rather than travelling light, turning in the way of least resistance when we should be forcefully heading towards the correct destination. We often stop along the way to entertain the very things that snare us. We sometimes blame others for issues that we should address ourselves. We dress it up with rational justifications to avoid dealing with the deficiencies in our inner self and to let the Lord deal with it.
We are very scared of pain, we are scared of seeing ourselves as weak, we are terrified to let others see us as we are, but yet we are terrified of being alone.... All these stop us from tearing down and destroying strongholds.
Laying down the "heavies"... this requires us to often stop walking for a while. It requires attention and often costs us in terms of painful "soul surgery" and slow healing, which hinder 'progress' in the short term. (John 16:21). Where there is separation, our hearts yearn. When past hurts continue to cause us to stumble, there is pain. Where there is discouragement and disappointment, our souls anguish. Where there is sin, our conscience 'aches'. Through it all, there is a purpose to pain and aching, whether physical, emotional or spiritual -- and that is, to point out that something has gone awry and needs fixing.
I am feeling battleweary right now... the energy required to put up resistance is lacking, tearing down seems that little bit more difficult. "What's the use in trying? You have let things slide this far already, there's no way back..." I know that all these are not from God. That is why I am pondering on these issues. And God is reminding me whose voice I should listen to (Galatians 5:7-10).
The whole theme of the Word of God is about restoration. To me, it says:
Resistance is not futile. Building up means that we need to tear down first - casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ - within and without - God's way, not ours. Yes, restoration is upon us - Sitting back and taking things easy is not an option; resistance is required despite how we feel or how much of a 'losing' battle it seems. It is times like this I am reminding myself - I have come this far, the Lord is has come through for me and has fought my battles, I am not turning back and backing down. No one who has put his hand to the plough and turns back is fit for the kingdom of God (Luke 7:57-62)
Well, if you are like me and you feel there seems to be an impasse - no way forward or no way back after fighting battles and tearing down strongholds, then it is especially time to rest, kneel before Him and build an altar. That's what spiritual heroes like David did. That's what Elijah did. Daniel did. As did Joseph. And that's what I am doing.
Whose voice should I listen to? Well, certainly not the one that says "what's the use in trying?".
I'm soldiering on. Continue tearing down and rebuilding. Don't expect it to get easier.
But we can take heart that the battle belongs to the Lord.
Labels: Hardship / Struggles / Pain, Spiritual Growth
Continue to read "Battleweary - what should we do?...."# posted by Sal : 1:06 p.m.
Join the dialogue: 1 comments - Yours?
| Be notified of new blogs | Forward to a friend
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Oil or toil?
The sermon at my church during this week's Sunday evening service was titled "That's the Spirit: Fresh Oil". The pastor expounded on the Holy Spirit's annointing, drawing parallels between the role and nature of oil in our physical world, and the Spirit's oil metaphor in God's Word.
The challenge given was: What's the condition and viscosity of your oil? How fresh is it? The message was timely, but what I didn't expect was the Lord's message to me...
The parallels that the sermon brought out were that, spiritual oil can:
"Child, the only way for your walk with Me to survive, is for you to abide in Me".
"Come. Come to the banquet. Before, you were eating crumbs from under the table. Now, feast on all that I have for you. I will be doing a new thing in your life that I have not done before, a road in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. Do you not know it? Let my oil flow in you... where there is oil, there is fire. Where there is fire, there is burning. Your past has no power over you anymore. What is burnt is fertile for soil." (Isaiah 43)
There was a call last night at Westminster Chapel, for people who desired to get more of what God has for them. I normally don't do alter calls. I have only done it one other time in my two years at this church. As the preacher exhorted each person to go deeper with God, something stirred up within me. I am yearning for something more. I do not know how to call it: thrist, hunger, desperation, emptiness, dissatisfaction, etc. - words cannot describe. But I knew in my Spirit that I needed to step out, into what I am not sure.
Even as I shuffled out of my seat and considered whether I should carry my knapsack with me to the 'altar' (human reasoning would say that if I do not take my bag with me, someone may steal it otherwise), I distinctly sense the Lord metaphorically say, "Leave the baggage behind.....".
A take the sandals off your feet moment. Poignant. So I left my bag on the pew.
Epilogue:
God moves us on, each one of us will come through different stages in our lives. God will call us into the next leg of our journey in the appropriate season and He will enlarge what we have defined as safe territory (as I have mentioned in my previous posts). I am not sure what transpired last night in the spiritual realm. All I know is that I need to write this down so that I do not forget. I trust that the Lord will reveal more when I keep my side of the bargain to "walk righteously with Him".
Back to the original question: What's the condition and viscosity of my oil? How fresh is it?
I am working this question out. Any other way would be taking on unnecessary toil in my journey. Life is hard enough already, wouldn't you say so?
The challenge given was: What's the condition and viscosity of your oil? How fresh is it? The message was timely, but what I didn't expect was the Lord's message to me...
The parallels that the sermon brought out were that, spiritual oil can:
- Deteriorate and become stale (e.g. Christians only preoccupied with what God did for/thru them in the past and not seeking what God is doing now)
- Evaporate through neglect (e.g. Holy Spirit gifts if not exercised can get become ineffective)
- Be contaminated (e.g. so-called "Christian" counselling, mixing biblical and worldly/humanistic theology)
- Originate from the wrong source (e.g. God is doing something and church leaders device their own schemes to 'capitalize' on the move of the Holy Spirit through unbiblical and unauthorized means)
- Be adulterated and dilluted (e.g. complacency, procrastination and watering down the call and work of the Lord in our lives)
- Leak away through gaps in our lives (e.g. unforgiveness, pride, rebellion, past hurts and lust choking the work of the Spirit).
"Child, the only way for your walk with Me to survive, is for you to abide in Me".
"Come. Come to the banquet. Before, you were eating crumbs from under the table. Now, feast on all that I have for you. I will be doing a new thing in your life that I have not done before, a road in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. Do you not know it? Let my oil flow in you... where there is oil, there is fire. Where there is fire, there is burning. Your past has no power over you anymore. What is burnt is fertile for soil." (Isaiah 43)
There was a call last night at Westminster Chapel, for people who desired to get more of what God has for them. I normally don't do alter calls. I have only done it one other time in my two years at this church. As the preacher exhorted each person to go deeper with God, something stirred up within me. I am yearning for something more. I do not know how to call it: thrist, hunger, desperation, emptiness, dissatisfaction, etc. - words cannot describe. But I knew in my Spirit that I needed to step out, into what I am not sure.
Even as I shuffled out of my seat and considered whether I should carry my knapsack with me to the 'altar' (human reasoning would say that if I do not take my bag with me, someone may steal it otherwise), I distinctly sense the Lord metaphorically say, "Leave the baggage behind.....".
A take the sandals off your feet moment. Poignant. So I left my bag on the pew.
Epilogue:
God moves us on, each one of us will come through different stages in our lives. God will call us into the next leg of our journey in the appropriate season and He will enlarge what we have defined as safe territory (as I have mentioned in my previous posts). I am not sure what transpired last night in the spiritual realm. All I know is that I need to write this down so that I do not forget. I trust that the Lord will reveal more when I keep my side of the bargain to "walk righteously with Him".
Back to the original question: What's the condition and viscosity of my oil? How fresh is it?
I am working this question out. Any other way would be taking on unnecessary toil in my journey. Life is hard enough already, wouldn't you say so?
Labels: Hardship / Struggles / Pain, Spiritual Growth
Continue to read "Oil or toil?...."# posted by Sal : 12:11 a.m.
Join the dialogue: 3 comments - Yours?
| Be notified of new blogs | Forward to a friend
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Seeing someone dear slip away - Part II
I just came back from visiting my grandma a couple of days ago. I do not know how much time the Lord has given for her to remain, it could be a few days, could be a few months -- but I was aware that there are things that need to be expressed to her. My gran has always been the one who has demonstrated unconditional love towards my brother and myself, and towards the whole family. Tonight, as I sat beside her bedside, a thought came, which I want to capture:
What is the value of a person? Is it always in what they can give to us?
These couple of days I have spent quite a bit of "presence time" with her. She expresses herself by reaching out and touching our faces and hands nowadays. Not a lot of dialogue - she does not speak that much anymore, only the odd word here and there. I find this at times, it is difficult to know what to say.
I also ask myself: How does my grandma, who has demonstrated such unconditional love towards us (the family), now seems to struggle with the assurance of loved ones around her? Everyone, whether we realize it, yearns for someone to accept and love them unconditionally. Perhaps now, in her helplessness, she is teaching all of us to love her without expecting anything in return. Unconditional.
Perhaps for now, questions do not need answers, just love and care. Agape.
Lord, help me. Help us.
What is the value of a person? Is it always in what they can give to us?
These couple of days I have spent quite a bit of "presence time" with her. She expresses herself by reaching out and touching our faces and hands nowadays. Not a lot of dialogue - she does not speak that much anymore, only the odd word here and there. I find this at times, it is difficult to know what to say.
I also ask myself: How does my grandma, who has demonstrated such unconditional love towards us (the family), now seems to struggle with the assurance of loved ones around her? Everyone, whether we realize it, yearns for someone to accept and love them unconditionally. Perhaps now, in her helplessness, she is teaching all of us to love her without expecting anything in return. Unconditional.
Perhaps for now, questions do not need answers, just love and care. Agape.
Lord, help me. Help us.
Labels: Hardship / Struggles / Pain, Relationships
Continue to read "Seeing someone dear slip away - Part II...."# posted by Sal : 2:16 p.m.
Join the dialogue: 0 comments - Yours?
| Be notified of new blogs | Forward to a friend
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Seeing someone dear slip away - Part I
Dying is a subject that is perhaps an academic subject until one comes face to face with it, either with yourself or someone you love. I never had an up-close perspective on the issue, until now...
For me at this time, my 85 year old gran is very weak - she has cancer and along with her weak heart the doctors have stated that there is very little they can do for her, except to make her comfortable.
It distrubs me that at times, I am not sure how I feel in this situation. Sometimes I am able to gauge what my thoughts and feelings are, whilst other moments I have difficulty putting my finger how I am reacting. I move between a glimpse of hope to sometimes accepting the inevitability of her situation.
Every one of us walks (or will walk) through situations like this carrying the burden in ways unique to our personalities and backgrounds. Many times I have woken in the middle of the night with questions in my head. I guess what I'm feeling is the tension of seeing someone dear 'slipping away'.
- Lord, my rational mind cannot see how Your glory will come through these dark times. Will it? Whatever happens, I have asked You to be glorified, but sometimes I think I don't have enough faith to believe that You can indeed be glorified in this situation.
- When will you take her? You have impressed upon my heart two specific passages from the Bible that talks about sacrifice bearing fruit and a believer's glorious future with You. This is both assuring and scary, and I am thankful that she knows You.
- Lord, with the remaining time given, how can I make the most out of it and not regret when I look back?
I sometimes do not even know whether these are legitimate questions or whether, for certain questions, I lack faith. I am trying to hold on to some hope for her, but I think there is a part of me that is hesitating, afraid to hope and not to commit so much because I know that we will eventually lose her.
I am presently starting to read this book called Back to Jerusalem, about God's sovereign work in China over the centuries. It explains how in 1953, the Communists shut down the church and expelled every foreign missionary from the country:
- "The general consensus [at that time] was that there was no way the fledgling believers left behind in the Bamboo Curtain could survive the brutality of the totalitarian regime hell-bent on destroying Christianity once and for all. Several articles suggested that if and when China's doors were reopened, the missionary enterprise would have to begin all over again. They were wrong. " (pg 11)
Every shred of human wisdom at that time (including that of very 'spiritual' missionaries) expressed the viewpoint of defeat in relation to missions work, but God had other plans beyond our finite comprehension.
In my current situation, God is sovereign and we need to trust even when we are blind. Even as I am writing this, I am reminded of what God says in His word:
- "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts." (Full text, Is 55:8-11)
When we hit the brick wall of asking the whys and hows, I know that He is saying 'Let go and let Me be God'.
Lord, let Your Word sink deeper into my spirit and confer wisdom in my heart to handle this situation.
Labels: Hardship / Struggles / Pain, Tragedy / Death
Continue to read "Seeing someone dear slip away - Part I...."# posted by Sal : 6:05 p.m.
Join the dialogue: 0 comments - Yours?
| Be notified of new blogs | Forward to a friend
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Suffering, pain and sickness
Life's storms... there is no getting away.
When we feel beaten from every side or when all of what we hold dear is taken away -- there is no where to turn or run to, except to the One who is the all in all.
In these dark, wilderness times - if we let God be God - what we lose in terms of our things of security (or safety nets), we gain in increased clarity and treasures that is of the Lord Himself -- that is if we allow Him the liberty to work and shape us.
The real question is whether we truly believe God's way is worth trading for in exchange for the baggage that we desperately cling to. Often, letting go is not easy. Our way is one that feels right and makes sense:
I was made redundant a few years back. One may argue that is not necessarily the end of the world. But for a person whose very personhood is built on strong achievements all my life, being made redundant and six months of unemployment felt like the core of my identity was taken away from me. I can only speak from an exceedingly limited perspective of one person. But looking back at these wilderness moments in my own life, the cliche of God using circumstances to shape us for a bigger and more sovereign purpose stands absolutely true. Disappointment, fear, loss and sickness often bring us to the crossroad of going down diverging paths.
What sort of shelter do we hide under? How relentless do we trust Him when there does not seem to be a Plan B? This is often how the Lord works, there is no Plan B. It is either Him or nothing. Liberty awaits God's way, but often when the rubber meets the road, it is not as simple for us to let go. God says, "Be still and know that I AM God".
In the end, the final question really comes down to whether we chose God's way, rather than be a slave to 'other lesser gods', which often includes our stubborn, self-sufficient nature. And the Lord does indeed gives us the privilege, as well as consequences, of choosing a response.
When we feel beaten from every side or when all of what we hold dear is taken away -- there is no where to turn or run to, except to the One who is the all in all.
In these dark, wilderness times - if we let God be God - what we lose in terms of our things of security (or safety nets), we gain in increased clarity and treasures that is of the Lord Himself -- that is if we allow Him the liberty to work and shape us.
The real question is whether we truly believe God's way is worth trading for in exchange for the baggage that we desperately cling to. Often, letting go is not easy. Our way is one that feels right and makes sense:
- A cancer patient may not to let go of asking the question why he has been saddled with pain.
- A person who carries the baggages of past hurt may not want to venture out to risk being hurt again eventhough there are rewards.
- A person, mired in the compromise of sexual sin, quietly giving in and resigned to not try to be holy anymore.
- A suicidal person who ultimately decides that the obstacles are giants too large, even for God, to overcome.
Does God appear harsh sometimes? Yes.
Does that indicate a diminished love for us? No.I was made redundant a few years back. One may argue that is not necessarily the end of the world. But for a person whose very personhood is built on strong achievements all my life, being made redundant and six months of unemployment felt like the core of my identity was taken away from me. I can only speak from an exceedingly limited perspective of one person. But looking back at these wilderness moments in my own life, the cliche of God using circumstances to shape us for a bigger and more sovereign purpose stands absolutely true. Disappointment, fear, loss and sickness often bring us to the crossroad of going down diverging paths.
What sort of shelter do we hide under? How relentless do we trust Him when there does not seem to be a Plan B? This is often how the Lord works, there is no Plan B. It is either Him or nothing. Liberty awaits God's way, but often when the rubber meets the road, it is not as simple for us to let go. God says, "Be still and know that I AM God".
In the end, the final question really comes down to whether we chose God's way, rather than be a slave to 'other lesser gods', which often includes our stubborn, self-sufficient nature. And the Lord does indeed gives us the privilege, as well as consequences, of choosing a response.
Labels: God's Love, Hardship / Struggles / Pain
Continue to read "Suffering, pain and sickness...."# posted by Sal : 6:27 p.m.
Join the dialogue: 0 comments - Yours?
| Be notified of new blogs | Forward to a friend
Monday, January 03, 2005
Tsunami & Earthquakes - Really God, Really?
Tragedy and the folly of just asking 'why'
In the face of tragedies and devastations like the recent tsunami and earthquakes, we human beings often ask the wrong questions of God. When we are suffering or in pain, we ask "why God?", which is an understandable question. Which of us has not asked this question at one stage of life or another when we go through difficulties? However, this is a question that does not solve problems, instead only looks backward to find understanding and implicitly has a tendency to aportion blame.
Asking the right question
Instead, the more important question is "what now?", which is forward looking and one which forces us to deal with a problem rather than concern ourselves with analysis and blame. Imagine, if a person who has cancer or a terminal disease continues to ask the former question rather than moving on to the latter, he/she would never begin to deal with the implications of the disease.
The Asian Tsunami / earthquakes and the tough spiritual questions
In the recent tsunami / earthquake, if you consider your own reaction from a spiritual standpoint, there are probably a few camps for which you may fall (or are deciding to fall into):
a) God is angry and punishing the wicked or disobedient
These claim that the disaster, however caused, was ultimately the act of an angry god out to punish evildoers. In other words, in order to deal with sinners in Thailand, this divinity drowned children in Sri Lanka. Some who smugly claim to speak for that monster even call themselves Christians. In their case, there is a theological category for what they say: it's called blasphemy (e.g. www.religionnewsblog.com/9862).
b) God is evil, or God does not exist, it is a random act of nature
The third group claims that the deaths of so many people is proof there is no God. They challenge people who believe in God to consider what we really think.
But often, when someone says "I don't believe in god", they really mean, "I don't believe in a god that fits into the way I want god to be". People can chose to see (or not see) what they want to see (or not see). And that includes both the religious, the nots and the people in between.
c) Man has caused this
One group claims the disaster was not natural, but was caused by the United States, by India, by reverberations of bombs in Iraq, by aliens or by some other human or nonhuman force. Needless to say, this group cannot present anything resembling credible evidence for their claims.
d) Something is happening but I am not sure how to make sense of it all
This one is for you if you fall in this camp. If one reads the Bible properly, bad things do happen to good people, and good things do happen to the bad (which is not how we like to reason generally in our normal cause/effect mode of thinking). Ultimately, it is not what happens to us that matter, but how we respond showing God's glory in the midst of adverse situations that matters more.
What did Jesus say?
Jesus in Luke 21:5-36 talks about disasters and suffering in the context of end times (i.e. the period of time leading up to when God will eventually judge the world) - read for yourselves Luke 21, I will only summarize here. His disciples 2000 years ago asked him: "When will these things be? And what sign will there be when these things are about to take place?"
Jesus responds, [and His words are especially pertinent in recent times, and reads like most of recent years' news combined, despite the fact He said it two thousand centuries ago, so please read]
What now?
We have to be wise to ask the same questions: WHAT NOW? - "If God has appointed an end time when He will bring judgement, justice and final redemption to the world, when will this be? And what will happen in order to show that the time has come for it to take place?".
What Jesus is saying is read the signs and be wise in how you live. Live according to how God wants us to live, not how we want to live.
If you don't know where to begin or never considered yourself "religious" (what does that really mean anyway?), start searching. Searching will reveal many religions, but not necessarily one truth. Ask, seek and only then you will find - Searching for God.
In the face of tragedies and devastations like the recent tsunami and earthquakes, we human beings often ask the wrong questions of God. When we are suffering or in pain, we ask "why God?", which is an understandable question. Which of us has not asked this question at one stage of life or another when we go through difficulties? However, this is a question that does not solve problems, instead only looks backward to find understanding and implicitly has a tendency to aportion blame.
Asking the right question
Instead, the more important question is "what now?", which is forward looking and one which forces us to deal with a problem rather than concern ourselves with analysis and blame. Imagine, if a person who has cancer or a terminal disease continues to ask the former question rather than moving on to the latter, he/she would never begin to deal with the implications of the disease.
The Asian Tsunami / earthquakes and the tough spiritual questions
In the recent tsunami / earthquake, if you consider your own reaction from a spiritual standpoint, there are probably a few camps for which you may fall (or are deciding to fall into):
a) God is angry and punishing the wicked or disobedient
These claim that the disaster, however caused, was ultimately the act of an angry god out to punish evildoers. In other words, in order to deal with sinners in Thailand, this divinity drowned children in Sri Lanka. Some who smugly claim to speak for that monster even call themselves Christians. In their case, there is a theological category for what they say: it's called blasphemy (e.g. www.religionnewsblog.com/9862).
b) God is evil, or God does not exist, it is a random act of nature
The third group claims that the deaths of so many people is proof there is no God. They challenge people who believe in God to consider what we really think.
But often, when someone says "I don't believe in god", they really mean, "I don't believe in a god that fits into the way I want god to be". People can chose to see (or not see) what they want to see (or not see). And that includes both the religious, the nots and the people in between.
c) Man has caused this
One group claims the disaster was not natural, but was caused by the United States, by India, by reverberations of bombs in Iraq, by aliens or by some other human or nonhuman force. Needless to say, this group cannot present anything resembling credible evidence for their claims.
d) Something is happening but I am not sure how to make sense of it all
This one is for you if you fall in this camp. If one reads the Bible properly, bad things do happen to good people, and good things do happen to the bad (which is not how we like to reason generally in our normal cause/effect mode of thinking). Ultimately, it is not what happens to us that matter, but how we respond showing God's glory in the midst of adverse situations that matters more.
What did Jesus say?
Jesus in Luke 21:5-36 talks about disasters and suffering in the context of end times (i.e. the period of time leading up to when God will eventually judge the world) - read for yourselves Luke 21, I will only summarize here. His disciples 2000 years ago asked him: "When will these things be? And what sign will there be when these things are about to take place?"
Jesus responds, [and His words are especially pertinent in recent times, and reads like most of recent years' news combined, despite the fact He said it two thousand centuries ago, so please read]
- "Take heed that you not be deceived. For many will come in My name, saying, 'I am He,' and, 'The time has drawn near.' Therefore do not go after them. But when you hear of wars and commotions, do not be terrified; for these things must come to pass first, but the end will not come immediately." Then He said to them, "Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. And there will be great earthquakes in various places, and famines and pestilences; and there will be fearful sights and great signs from heaven."
"And there will be signs in the sun, in the moon, and in the stars; and on the earth distress of nations, with perplexity, the sea and the waves roaring; men's hearts failing them from fear and the expectation of those things which are coming on the earth, for the powers of heaven will be shaken."
"Look at the fig tree, and all the trees. When they are already budding, you see and know for yourselves that summer is now near. So you also, when you see these things happening, know that the kingdom of God is near."
What now?
We have to be wise to ask the same questions: WHAT NOW? - "If God has appointed an end time when He will bring judgement, justice and final redemption to the world, when will this be? And what will happen in order to show that the time has come for it to take place?".
What Jesus is saying is read the signs and be wise in how you live. Live according to how God wants us to live, not how we want to live.
If you don't know where to begin or never considered yourself "religious" (what does that really mean anyway?), start searching. Searching will reveal many religions, but not necessarily one truth. Ask, seek and only then you will find - Searching for God.
Labels: Hardship / Struggles / Pain, Prophecy, Tragedy / Death
Continue to read "Tsunami & Earthquakes - Really God, Really?...."# posted by Sal : 4:48 p.m.
Join the dialogue: 0 comments - Yours?
| Be notified of new blogs | Forward to a friend
Thursday, March 03, 1994
Poem - Whether It Is Worth The Pain
This heart, so young and carefree
Finds that trust and love opens its eyes to see
Joy in sharing with another life's journey
But later discovers a price to pay in loving so freely
That giving itself can leave marks and stains
It wonders whether it's worth the pain...
This heart, so abundant in giving
Feels so tender and alive in receiving
Another heart's blessings within its core
Yearns to receive more and more
Till it learns that what it expects it will not gain
It wonders whether it's worth the pain...
This heart, so gentle and kind
Finds meaning in another spirit intertwined
When bond strings tear apart, its halls are empty
It longs to be whole, when will it ever be?
As hopes dim and it waits in vain
It wonders whether it's worth the pain...
This heart, after it's left out in the cold
Yearns so dearly for an understanding soul
That sees through it with compassion and grace
That wears no masks, no veil upon its face
Yet though it knows what it needs, it's still the same...
It wonders whether it's worth the pain...
This heart, beats tired and weary
Every beat that gives itself more dearly
The deeper its scars of once sacrificing its best
The more it's capable, of feeling a bit less
Walls harden as trust wanes...
It wonders whether it's worth the pain...
This heart, begins to feel contented
To build up fences to avoid the hurt
But a heart that cannot hurt cannot feel anything else...
Soon it finds that loneliness pervades and emptiness dwells
A torn vessel, broken and lame
It wonders whether it's worth the pain...
This heart as it wonders, it is taught
That the heart that hurts most is the heart of God
Our own disobedience, turning from His calls
Slicing deep, piercing against tender walls
Yet through it all, He will not let us go
Through every sweeping cut and blow
Because in His love, He carries the pain
Longing so much for fallen hearts to love again
Because He stands by His nature and His Name
He never wonders whether it's worth the pain...
Finds that trust and love opens its eyes to see
Joy in sharing with another life's journey
But later discovers a price to pay in loving so freely
That giving itself can leave marks and stains
It wonders whether it's worth the pain...
This heart, so abundant in giving
Feels so tender and alive in receiving
Another heart's blessings within its core
Yearns to receive more and more
Till it learns that what it expects it will not gain
It wonders whether it's worth the pain...
This heart, so gentle and kind
Finds meaning in another spirit intertwined
When bond strings tear apart, its halls are empty
It longs to be whole, when will it ever be?
As hopes dim and it waits in vain
It wonders whether it's worth the pain...
This heart, after it's left out in the cold
Yearns so dearly for an understanding soul
That sees through it with compassion and grace
That wears no masks, no veil upon its face
Yet though it knows what it needs, it's still the same...
It wonders whether it's worth the pain...
This heart, beats tired and weary
Every beat that gives itself more dearly
The deeper its scars of once sacrificing its best
The more it's capable, of feeling a bit less
Walls harden as trust wanes...
It wonders whether it's worth the pain...
This heart, begins to feel contented
To build up fences to avoid the hurt
But a heart that cannot hurt cannot feel anything else...
Soon it finds that loneliness pervades and emptiness dwells
A torn vessel, broken and lame
It wonders whether it's worth the pain...
This heart as it wonders, it is taught
That the heart that hurts most is the heart of God
Our own disobedience, turning from His calls
Slicing deep, piercing against tender walls
Yet through it all, He will not let us go
Through every sweeping cut and blow
Because in His love, He carries the pain
Longing so much for fallen hearts to love again
Because He stands by His nature and His Name
He never wonders whether it's worth the pain...
Labels: Hardship / Struggles / Pain, Inspirations / Poem
Continue to read "Poem - Whether It Is Worth The Pain...."# posted by Sal : 5:23 p.m.
Join the dialogue: 0 comments - Yours?
| Be notified of new blogs | Forward to a friend
Subscription service
Enter your email address below to subscribe to Reflections on Life and Spirituality blog!(NOTE: Please be assured that this will not be used for spam or unsolicited communications)
![[Valid Atom]](http://photos1.blogger.com/img/5/5559/400/valid-atom.jpg "Validate my Atom feed"){kind=small}
