Saturday, June 24, 2006

The Fight

Strong bonds of loveI have been searching for answers over the past weeks. Asking myself why it aches when I think about my grandmother, eventhough I know in my head she is in a better place; that God is taking care of her; that I will see her again. These are all the promises that God gives us. But yet there are days when the sun shines so brightly this summer, it feels like it's raining inside. I can sense something has changed in me -- something is rattling in my spirit, but I do not know what it is or how to express it. I keep asking why, and a brother at this Wednesday's fellowship prayed with me when I shared this burden with him –- he prayed that there would be clarity. God is faithful and here's what He has been bringing about:

Today, I read something that awakened my ears and enlightened the eyes of my heart. It is from the classic book by John White called The Fight. One portion leaped at me:
    "We need real kindness to surround us, not commercial or neurotic kindness. We need loving kindness based on commitment. You need it yourself. Somewhere in the world you need a body of people who will always accept you and always care for you whether you are attractive or not. If you sin, they may rebuke you. They may demand that you repend or put something right. But they will never disown you, never abandon you and never stop caring. Their commitment to you is not based on admiration for you but on the more solid ground of Christ's person and work."
From this section came forth understanding of why. I ache because my grandmother was such a person to me - a person whom I knew in my spirit, who would 'never disown, never abandon and never stop caring', as John White aptly puts it. And it hurts when is dawns on you that such a person is no longer around.
Family ties
But the irony was this. In the past year when she was ill, the people closest to her - my dad, my brother and myself - were tested. Indirectly, her situation tested the mettle inherent in the kind of love we had for her. When she could no longer give anything to us, when she was of "no use" to us, when everything we held in our minds about her during her healthy days were no longer true - our love for her was tested - whether we would 'always accept and always care'.

It was a struggle, but I learned. I learned that we have to eventually learn to love people not by what our senses tell us, not through merely emotions, or how we feel towards them at a particular point in time. We have to love by commitment - that when someone belongs to you, you are committed to them, despite internal or external circumstances. That is the truth and reality of God's love for us - love guided by truth, moved towards actions and not hindered by apathy, even if it shoulders the heavy burdens of sacrifice. That is the kind of tough love that the Father is calling us towards. Isn't that what all of us are fighting for, fighting with, and fighting to receive?
Chinese symbol for love
I am grateful for God's reminder today. The fight continues.

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Comments:
Thank you for making your thoughts and lessons learned accessible to us. Thank you for helping us (those who do not write well) to draw out some of our thoughts which will only stay in our minds forever if not for the words you are able to use appropriately in your writings. You have written well! Thank you! I have been blessed by them!

I have been busy lately and have not been reading your blog and I just found out a few minutes ago that your grandmother had returned to be with the Lord. "Sorry to hear this" is not the proper word to say to you because we know that she is at a better place. I just wanted to make a comment that a warrior had returned home in victory!

What I learned from your blog about your grandmother is that she had fought the good fight and she had finished the race and had brought glory and honour to the Father in heaven. Well, praise the Lord, another one had made it.

Look forward to reading more!

God bless you!

 
Hi S -- Thanks for sending your message directly to me and also honoring my request to make your email public here on site so that others can be encouraged. I certainly was. Never saw my gran as a warrior but thinking about it now, she was. Thank you for your thoughts and well-wishes.

God bless.
~Sallibuc

 
well, i must say it's easier said than done.. again, that's why we need the power from divine, could never love with our own limited conditional love.. unfortunately/fortunately, i am going through the same thing, especially hurt and disappointed by my closest brothers and sisters from my own church... i am weak...

 

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