Tuesday, May 09, 2006

The Weight of Discouragement

Discouraged & alone
I am not sure if you have ever felt like you are being hit from all sides - you carry an overwhelming sense of discouragement and don't know whether to run, hide or fight. Right now, I feel like that: wanting to throw my hands up in the air and say "that's it, I've had all I can take. I am walking away from it all"...

Over the past weeks, I have felt discouraged in my spirit over a few things and it feels like there is a battle within me. Things have not been going smoothly: it seems like there have been distractions, misunderstandings, confusions, etc that have come (or have been thrown?) my way. I feel so weighed down and burdened:

a. Have been piled on with work - stressful; b. My gran's terminal illness has in the past 2 weeks has deteriorated and I have to go home soon, and c. incidents of misunderstanding with the current fellowship I am serving in has discouraged me (all of which has cropped just in the last 3 weeks!)..

Someone once told me: It's so easy to build for so many years, and only an instant to walk away from it all. How true.

I have been reading Nehemiah and noticed how the enemy taunted the Jews from rebuilding the wall. I have come to the realization there is more than meets the eye in my own situation. I KNOW that the enemy is using my weakness to throw accusations: What is the use of trying? Why bother? Do people deserve what you have done? Do they understand? Do they thank you for it? It's only you and no-one else is bothered. If you walked away, it would not mean one bit.

I hurt not because it's not true, but because sometimes it feels like it is, and those questions seemingly rhetorical.

Nehemiah 4:10 is symbolic: "There is so much rubble that we cannot rebuild the wall".

It's so easy to build for so many years, and only an instant to walk away from it all.

Yes, it is in these times, when the enemy is taunting us to run and do the contrary to what the Lord wants you to do, that we need to take heed. This is done though subtle thoughts, logical rationalizations and through playing on your weaknesses, as I have experienced myself. Same tactics, tailored to your own circumstances and hangups - appealing to your pride, creating doubts, questioning God's goodness and 'negotiating' to settle for something less than what God intends.

Whose voice am I to follow? The voice of the accuser, or the call of the Shepherd?

I sense in my spirit God saying, "If you give up now, you will walk away from all the things that I have built in your life all these years. What you see as your ministry is not your own, but My work. You continue to labor"

Nehemiah 4:13 reads like this: "Therefore I stationed some of the people behind the lowest points of the wall at the exposed places, posting them by families with their swords, spears and bows." One commentator said what Nehemiah was trying to do was not just protect the most vulnerable places, he was trying to show them their strength. He was trying to show them what they had when they all rallied together.

Rebuilding the wall"Stationing people behind the lowest points of the wall at the exposed places" - I was sharing this burden with another brother in my church through an email, and I was encouraged by his response: "I'm really concerned for you brother... it sounds like you're going through a tough time at the moment. I'd love to get together and talk and pray about it with you, if you think that might be good." In times like these, it's not the time to deal with the problem by yourself, but instead rally together.

Nehemiah 4:14 continues, "after I looked things over and I thought it through and I addressed the needs, I said, 'don't be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.'"

The story is not concluded for me yet, but my eyes must be on the Lord. The enemy is watching this space. So am I. But my faith rises to know that ultimately, the awesome Lord of the universe has this space in his hands, watching over and covering you, me or any external adverse intents. Focus on Him.

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# posted by Sal : 12:42 a.m. | Be notified of new blogs |   Forward to a friend
Comments:
Dear Sal,
What you have said in the early portion of you blog is true.the nature of the world in which we stay is that it is an abode of misery and is temporary.Whereas we are aspiring for a world which is eternal and full of happiness.When one relizes this that is the beginign of human life and that is the goal of human life as to how one can acieve this position of eternal hapinns is a relm of deathlessness.
If you are eager to know further then plse contact me swapnilnirhali@gmail.com

# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : May 10, 2006 11:18 a.m.
 
Hi Anonmymous (swapnilnirhali)--

I don't totally agree with your statement about "the goal of human life is to achieve eternal happiness... and in the realm of deathlessness".

For me as a follower of Jesus Christ, man's chief end is to glorify God (by all our actions and words and thoughts), and to enjoy him for ever (i.e. to enjoy a relationship with Him).

By living a life that glorifies God and having a relationship with Him, we attain happiness. But the focus should primarily be on God first & what Jesus Christ has done for us on the cross, and not on our goal of our happiness.

Jesus, calling himself the Son of God, said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free... So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."

With regards to happiness, it will come about as the fruit of focusing on God, finding truth and being really free to live the way you were made by God to live. Happiness should not be the main goal in itself but an outcome.

# posted by Blogger Sal : May 10, 2006 1:11 p.m.
 
excellent blog. i really like it.

# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : May 11, 2006 4:30 p.m.
 
Thanks for sharing your problems. After we solve one issue, another
lines up behind. Let us persevere with our earthly problems, pray for one another and look to Him who works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).

# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : May 18, 2006 7:31 a.m.
 
thanks for sharing

# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : May 18, 2006 5:28 p.m.
 

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