Sunday, October 29, 2006

Cost of Following Christ

Life Under The Cross of ChristGod has been challenging me towards what I would term as "higher allegiances" over the past weeks. In the last few days, He has been more directed in terms of drawing me towards specific verses in His word.

After breakfast Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," Peter replied, "you know I love you." "Then feed my lambs," Jesus told him. Jesus repeated the question: "Simon son of John, do you love me?" "Yes, Lord," Peter said, "you know I love you." "Then take care of my sheep," Jesus said. Once more he asked him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter was grieved that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, "Lord, you know everything. You know I love you." Jesus said, "Then feed my sheep. (John 21:15-17, NLT).

In the above account, Jesus was asking Peter a few times.... Do you love Me? The response from Peter was, in effect, "Yes Lord, you know I like you" -- hesitant and tentative. By the time Jesus asked the third time, Peter was hurt. I always wondered why - was he hurt because he felt Jesus didn't believe him? Was Peter hurt because he felt that Jesus was condemning him for denying Him? Did Peter feel like Jesus was rubbing salt in the wound? Perhaps...

But I read the passage with new eyes today. What I realised was that Peter was hurt because he knew he could not trust himself. Jesus was asking Peter three times to bring him back to his failures, not with a slap of condemnation, but to encourage him to count the cost of following the Master. Christ was in effect also saying, "Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure?"

"Count the cost, Peter. You denied me the last time you said you wouldn't. Did you think it was going to be easy?"

By then Peter was no longer the same person who was rash in saying yes without counting the cost. The sovereign Lord saw his heart. He was no longer speaking without any knowledge of what he was getting into. The brash, impulsive "I will follow you Lord anywhere" Peter has been broken. Disappointment. Anguish. Hurt. Scarred. In many ways, because his close association with Christ.

Do we know what its like to be broken inside by the Lord? The brokenness gives us a perspective not shaped by youthful impulsiveness, humanistic enthusiasm and foolish arrogance, but by a wiser, more sober disposition. Do we think our journeys with Christ is going to be easy? Christ will ask of all of us - I know He is challenging me - "When you say you love Me, what does it mean?"

    "If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it-- lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, 'This man began to build and was not able to finish.' Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is still a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace. So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple."
Here, Jesus calls us to an allegiance higher and greater than anything on earth, even to people dearest to us, and eventually ourselves. And with that notion, there are times when the Lord calls us to places we are not willing to go. Maturity does not come with age, but it grows with the acceptance of responsibility for the things God has for our lives, especially when circumstances are difficult.

When you get a raw deal, one after another, after another. Just like Joseph.

When every one and every circumstance seems to be against you. Just like Elijah.

When the Lord requires that you sacrifice the things (or even that one thing) that you most cherish. Just like Abraham.

SurrenderI was challenged: Do I love Christ, or do I merely follow the "hassle-free" notion of Christ in my head? Can I follow the Jesus that entails being a participant in His sufferings, one that involves a price to pay? If you have not honestly answered that question - sooner or later, He will ask you, if you are serious in following Him further as a disciple. Just as He has asked Peter. Just as He is asking me again now.

This question -- and our response -- will be painful. Painful because it will shine light on the reality of our relationship with Him. How deep are the roots? How much are we truly following? Whom are we really following, Jesus or the notion of Jesus? Is it contingent on people and circumstances? Does it transcend things most precious to us?

Ultimately, Jesus requires of us to bury things precious to us to follow Him when the occasions call for it: To step out of our zones of comfort. Getting past fears. Getting past self-pity. Getting past the need for self-vindication. But not just to get past, but also to follow, and enter into His kingdom's purposes. Jesus says it many times when he puts out calls for disciples.

    Now it happened as they journeyed on the road, that someone said to Him, "Lord, I will follow You wherever You go." And Jesus said to him, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head." Then He said to another, "Follow Me." But he said, "Lord, let me first go and bury my father." Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and preach the kingdom of God." And another also said, "Lord, I will follow You, but let me first go and bid them farewell who are at my house." But Jesus said to him, "No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God." (Luke 9: 57-62, NKJV)

    "I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." (John 21:18-19, NLT)
I am sharing this, not because I have trophies to parade - far from it. I am struggling to run this lap of the race - there are specific hurdles right now, and my stamina is being drained. I struggle not because there are hurdles, but perhaps because I am unwilling to pay the cost for pushing through these hurdles. Perhaps there is still a part of me that is not surrendered to the Lord. Funny how the Lord often brings us back to the same grounds again and again. Just as he asked Elijah in his moments of despair, "What are you doing here?" The Lord is asking of me: What now? What does it really mean to follow Me? Do you truly know how much it costs? As usual, the answers don't come easy, and not without pain.

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# posted by Sal : 11:03 p.m. | Be notified of new blogs |   Forward to a friend
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