Friday, August 31, 2007
Being a Friend of Worth
I stumbled across an article about friendship which I kept from many years ago about the underpinnings of having deep friendships that are based on biblical principles. Back then, having meaningful friendships was something I desired greatly, and I guess that was why I kept the piece of paper.Reflecting on this article, I am inquiring afresh: Are these chracteristics realistic to expect and pursue in friendships in this day and age? What model can we follow? Read on to see what you think...
Being a Friend of Worth
In today's highly mobile society, friendships tend to be superficial. God's word, however, gives us a model for life-giving and enduring friendships. The friendship between David and Jonathan recorded in 1 Samuel 23:15-18 portrays the vital characteristics of biblical friendship.
- A friend meets the need of another
Jonathan risked his father's wrath to help the very man who was a threat to his own position as heir apparent to the throne of Israel. Seeing a need in David's life, he reached out to meet that need. Authentic friendship involves having a concern not just to find "my kind of friend", but to meet the needs in other people's lives.
- A friend encourages his friend in God
Jonathan encouraged David to be directly dependent upon God when he was threatened by bitterness and discouragement. The yardstick to meansure the worth of our friendship is, "Is our friend stronger in God because of the time he or she spends with us, or is spiritual growth a side issue in our relationship?"
- Friends share deep common interests
David and Jonathan shared a common love for God and His people. What common interests do we and our friends share? Friendship is borne out of the linking of many threads, and the quality of those interests will reveal a great deal about the quality of our friendship.
- A friend is committed to help his friend realise God's purpose and potential for his life
Jonathan selflessly declared to David, "... you will be king over Israel, and I will be next to you..." A great Russian novelist said, "To love a person means to see him as God intended him to be." Jonathan not only saw the potential in his friend, but also acted to bring that potential into reality.
- True friendship involves declared loyalty and commitment
David and Jonathan did not simply drift in and out of their friendship. They made a covenant before the Lord. Verbally acknowledging to our friends that we value and are committed to them frees us to be more effective friends. Practising verbal commitment and encouragement is not one we all find easy. Yet, when we get past that threshold into having friendships that are based on a deep sense of commitment and loyalty, that's where the masks are removed and true comradeship can begin.
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In our lifetime, I realise that we would be extremely blessed to find two or three friends that exhibit the kind of characteristics stated above. In the process, some investments to develop friendships will pay off, others will not. That's one of life's realities. In the course of disappointments and unfulfilled expectations, many of us would have stopped short of not finding companions for the long journey because we have given up, and resigned to operate at a relatively superficial level; never getting to a point of being real.
Back to my orginal questions: Are these chracteristics realistic to expect and pursue in friendships in this day and age? What model can we follow?
We often talk about "finding friends". But the biblical model is less about searching for friends. Instead, it encourages us to look outwards to "be a friend" based on a strong foundational relationship with Christ: A man who has friends must himself be friendly; But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Ps 18:24, NKJV). I am reminded that it is more important to BE the kind of friend that we expect others to be to us. This is in contrast to us expecting others to meet our needs.
Since the many years I have kept this short article, I have come to see the truth that is inherent in some of the principles that have been brought forth here. I have gone a bit further in developing the kind of friendships which are life-giving and enduring. As usual, the Lord's wisdom in this matter rings true, if we stick to it.
Labels: Christian Living, Friendships, Relationships
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John- thanks for your comment.
I don't disagree that friendship cannot be reduced to a set of rules. I wasn't talking about 'reduction' per se.
Make no mistake: there are 'rules' (for lack of a better word), guidelines and dynamics that make it conducive for friendship to bloom, whether we explicitly realise or not.
This aspect one cannot deny. But these rules (I like the word guidelines better) can never be formulaic, which seems to be what you are getting at.
Cheers
I don't disagree that friendship cannot be reduced to a set of rules. I wasn't talking about 'reduction' per se.
Make no mistake: there are 'rules' (for lack of a better word), guidelines and dynamics that make it conducive for friendship to bloom, whether we explicitly realise or not.
This aspect one cannot deny. But these rules (I like the word guidelines better) can never be formulaic, which seems to be what you are getting at.
Cheers
Model friendship exemplified by Jesus Christ Himself when He becomes our friend. Question is whether we allow Him to be one...
An encouraging post. Thanks.
An encouraging post. Thanks.
# posted by 
: November 12, 2007 9:06 p.m.
: November 12, 2007 9:06 p.m.Post a Comment
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