Thursday, December 01, 2005

Connecting the Dots: Small things and glimpses of God's heart

I am writing about one of the two very special 'strangers' that God brought to our midst in London. Let me call one of them "Timothy" (who is the closest biblical character I am reminded of). This week the curtains closed on something that God started six months ago when Timothy and his sister Chae first came to London. I now feel I have the liberty to share what I did not feel was appropriate at that time. This was what I wrote in the early days when Timothy first arrived and God whispered something to me about him 6 months ago:

    I have been wrestling with myself, whether if one feels that God has revealed something concerning another person, whether one should tell the person. What if I hear wrongly from the Lord? What if the person is not ready to hear it and it stumbles rather than builds up?

    Well, I have grappled with the issue for a couple of days and I have decided that I would not mention it directly... not because I am afraid that I will be wrong or that it will 'damage' the person if it does not come to pass, but more that I think it would be more appropriate to show and guide the person without candid words. Let me explain...

    Being from South Korea and here for a couple of months in London, Timothy was sharing about being directionless and lost, especially in terms of life and his job/career. I felt for him when he shared this with us during dinner and bible study at a friend's place.

    On a train journey to Guildford the next day, I had some time to reflect. I was pondering on what Timothy lamented about feeling lost. I was just exploring in my mind what avenues that Timothy could explore.... at the same time considering the kind of person he was -- kind, tender-hearted but timid, and carries a lot of past experiences and burdens that has shaken his confidence. I felt for him when he shared this for the first time, and I still do. Thinking further on the train journey, I somehow could not really pull together what I could advise him on possible options to take if I was given a chance to, and so I felt a sense of 'hopelessness' for Timothy.

    The train chugs along, as I gaze out the window for a moment. In the next instance, I encounter an unexpected but familiar voice. The Lord is whispering in His firm but quiet way,

    "I am going to use him mightily in My Kingdom in the future... What man sees as weak, I will use. I have a plan for him...."

    "You do your part."

    I can't remember exactly what I thought after that, but I knew that God meant full-time service and I felt moved to a certain degree, of God's plan for him (even though he doesn't fully see or know it presently). My instinctive reaction was, "Lord, I may not get to see the final fruits, but I will do what I can to water and nurture the seeds that You are planting." I felt privileged. In that brief moment in time, I saw a fleeting glimpse of God's heart. Which sometimes God does when He opens up the curtains for us to have a peek.

    I was given another opportunity to have another peek. During a recent dinner between a few of us, Timothy mentioned that he didn't have a bible, and I really felt at that time that I should buy him one.... So I went to a Christian bookstore a couple of days later, not sure of what sort of bible to get them. It "so happened" that there were two very appropriate New Living Translation bibles, one color / design for a girl, another for a guy, so I took those, having some peace in my heart that I made the right choice for both of them. Later, as I was waiting for the tube, I took the bibles out to have a browse. On one of the front publication copyright pages,I noticed: "Printed in South Korea", the country they are from. I smiled. It was as if God was saying, "You purchased correctly, well done". I smiled again.

    The Lord has a sense of humour, hasn't He? He bothered with something this small (albeit significant).

    Anyway, little stories aside, I am starting to see a chain of events and sensing the Lord connecting the dots for these two 'lost' strangers. Don't want to second guess what the Lord is doing, just want to see where He takes this. The word on my heart right this instant is "good steward" -- to take care of what God has laid on our hearts on a day-by-day basis, not to worry beyond that.
In hindsight, I now can see EVERY truth behind the Lord's words 6 months ago, and I am humbled in ways that I cannot express. Timothy came to London, akin to a person lost and in despair, carrying nothing but torn rags. In this short time, what was a heart of fear is now secure in the Father's love. God has transformed this house with cobwebs of shame to a shelter of hope, the deadness of failure to the reawakening of growth, and the darkness of despair to the light of promise. The foundations that used to sway to the winds of doubt is now a secure anchor of faith.

I am reminded that God will "console those who mourn, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified." Isaiah 61:3

Reflecting on the past 6 months, I cannot help but marvel at God's power at work. The string of 'coincidences' and people the Lord used in this process moves me deeply; and in my mind, defies explanation. I cannot claim to have done anything... There were many times I was frustrated with the lack of progress, where my brotherly love for him wore thin, sometimes beyond what I could tolerate. But who really knows how God deals with the inner recesses of the heart. In this case, God changed him 'behind our backs'. In my own shortcomings, I just needed to obey and try to show hospitality and grace, sometimes with a resentful reluctance.

In many ways, I do feel like a dot; a dot that the Sovereign Hand has connected in some divine way, not just for Timothy, but also for the people who have had the privilege to be part of what God has done.

Oh, by the way - before Timothy left, he told me that God put a desire in him to take on a pastoral role one day - I nearly fell of my rockers! Gazing further, who knows how God in the coming days will water this tree that is Timothy's life. But this much I know: God's Word will go out and will not come back void. And for now, I am moved that the Lord has allowed me to see the small fruits out of what He is doing.

All in all, Timothy's life in London has reminded me again - that although God is awesome in power, He is also the God of small things. And it is indeed precious, those rare moments when God gives us to opportunity to sneak a glimpse into His heart, showing that He is indeed passionately mindful of the small affairs of our lives - the Mighty does indeed take time to connect the small.

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Comments:
I love this post. Simply beatiful.

 

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