Friday, June 17, 2005
Engraving spiritual markers
During this holiday period, I walked down memory lane to my home church in the capital of another country where I used to work. Plenty of memories there, those six years from 1992 to 1998 - so long ago, yet it feels like a few blinks of an eye. The whole affair felt strange in many ways. During the middle of worship, with the crowd of thousands, some friends, mostly strangers - I found myself reflecting on how different I am now compared to back then when I was there. Was my spiritual temperature higher? How was my faith different then? How far have I travelled (or regressed)?
I am not sure I have a definite answer, but what I am sure is that life has got much harder and the daily battles tougher (signs of getting old?). What did I get from that brief window into the past?
Well, for one, I gained a clearer snapshot of where I am at present. A brief stroll down memory lane helped me engrave a 'spiritual marker' of sorts. Walking nostalically through old places and seeing familiar faces helped me frame how far I have come (or in some cases retreated, some battles 'lost', others abandoned). Those times between 1992 - 1998 were times of building - determining what spiritual foundations are required, its shape and form, getting the right mix of elements, etc.
Now, however, these foundations have weight on them - 'weighty' experiences have crystalized my faith. In times of adversity, in addition to how I feel, I have learned to consider more carefully God's perspective and frame my response in a more balanced manner. Our wills, as fortified by the Word and promises of God, can be such a powerful thing. I now realize that I can be resilient, only when I am abiding in Him. In the darkest times, I have learned to will myself to say "Everything is going to be alright in God - You work out the best for me and direct my efforts. Let me do my part and if required, show me when to get out of the way".
I used to ask the doubt question "What if God doesn't come through for me?". This echoed through the recesses of my mind more than I wanted it to. But just as a child finds out the depth of a parent's love in 'crunch times', God has come through for me and I would like to think that I know this fact in the deepest part of who I am. In making this statement, I also know that God challenges the boundaries that we like to mark as "safe territory", and extends it (often 'without' our consent but for our own good).
Not all is rosy, however. I have carried too much of the 'non-essentials' along the way, things of the world. Or in Old Testament times, spoils that God prohibits the Israelites from taking home, which they did anyway. I have lost a bit of the child-like innocence in taking God at His word, learning to rationalize things away more often, even when the Lord's voice is clear. Unfortunately, I have also learned to sometimes wear the mask of Christianity instead of allowing the Lord to produce the authentic changes that are more than skin deep. Relationships now compared to then have less depth spiritually - I find that I now have less peers whom I can connect with.
Through this, I am reminded of the need for all of us to periodically engrave 'spiritual markers' like these. Some of what comes out is encouraging, others aren't pretty to behold, if I am honest. But at least now, I have a clearer view of what I need to continue to fight for.
What do your spiritual markers look like?
I am not sure I have a definite answer, but what I am sure is that life has got much harder and the daily battles tougher (signs of getting old?). What did I get from that brief window into the past?
Well, for one, I gained a clearer snapshot of where I am at present. A brief stroll down memory lane helped me engrave a 'spiritual marker' of sorts. Walking nostalically through old places and seeing familiar faces helped me frame how far I have come (or in some cases retreated, some battles 'lost', others abandoned). Those times between 1992 - 1998 were times of building - determining what spiritual foundations are required, its shape and form, getting the right mix of elements, etc.
Now, however, these foundations have weight on them - 'weighty' experiences have crystalized my faith. In times of adversity, in addition to how I feel, I have learned to consider more carefully God's perspective and frame my response in a more balanced manner. Our wills, as fortified by the Word and promises of God, can be such a powerful thing. I now realize that I can be resilient, only when I am abiding in Him. In the darkest times, I have learned to will myself to say "Everything is going to be alright in God - You work out the best for me and direct my efforts. Let me do my part and if required, show me when to get out of the way".
I used to ask the doubt question "What if God doesn't come through for me?". This echoed through the recesses of my mind more than I wanted it to. But just as a child finds out the depth of a parent's love in 'crunch times', God has come through for me and I would like to think that I know this fact in the deepest part of who I am. In making this statement, I also know that God challenges the boundaries that we like to mark as "safe territory", and extends it (often 'without' our consent but for our own good).
Not all is rosy, however. I have carried too much of the 'non-essentials' along the way, things of the world. Or in Old Testament times, spoils that God prohibits the Israelites from taking home, which they did anyway. I have lost a bit of the child-like innocence in taking God at His word, learning to rationalize things away more often, even when the Lord's voice is clear. Unfortunately, I have also learned to sometimes wear the mask of Christianity instead of allowing the Lord to produce the authentic changes that are more than skin deep. Relationships now compared to then have less depth spiritually - I find that I now have less peers whom I can connect with.
Through this, I am reminded of the need for all of us to periodically engrave 'spiritual markers' like these. Some of what comes out is encouraging, others aren't pretty to behold, if I am honest. But at least now, I have a clearer view of what I need to continue to fight for.
What do your spiritual markers look like?
Labels: Significance / Life Purpose, Spiritual Direction / Guidance
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