Monday, August 07, 2006
Running away from your Nineveh
I am returning to deal with the root issues which precipitated the heavy sense of discouragement two months back.
In church, we have been doing the book of Jonah over the past few months. It was a word in season as I am now in a place the decision crossroad of where the Lord wants me to serve. I was ready to walk away from many things, but every time I think I have decided, there has either been a message here and a word there in church that would remind me of "being faithful and planting roots" and not running away from our Ninevehs.
For the first time in my life, I can not only understand what Jonah went through, but actually feel and emphatize with him. I used to study Jonah's story of running away from what God wanted him to do with intellectual eyes and think, Why was he so silly? Why not just obey and it would have made your life so much easier?
Now I see more clearly...
I realize that Jonah running away from the place God has called him to, may not be a straightforward case of disobedience as I had naively believed. It's easy to assume that Jonah's heart was hardened towards his calling for the people of Nineveh "without a valid cause"; that he merely neglected his calling or turned his back on his responsibilities. Now I realize that he was not running away from his Nineveh because he was rebellious. Nineveh can represent the God-directed place, people or activity which is "the right thing to do", or "the right place to be". It's a place where one can deem not worthy (or no longer worthy) the sacrifice or cost you are 'paying'. You want nothing to do with it because of hurt, disappointment, discouragement and other emotional toils associated with it. You want to distance yourself from it. But the Lord keeps bringing you back there because He thinks it is worth it, or He has said as your place of destiny.
I don't think that I am the first, nor will I be the last person who is laying flat on the ground feeling that it hurts too much to serve; you have given too much of yourself and have become vulnerable; that it's time to pack up, run away and leave.
I re-read the book of Jonah again recently with new eyes, not as a observer but as a person in Jonah's shoes. One thing hit me right in the heart at the end of the last chapter, when the Lord asked:
The Lord has also been burning the question in my spirit:
And more recently, I watched a video of Corrie Ten Boom's life, "The Hiding Place". Although I have settled things in my heart, there was another poignant reminder and this came from something Corrie's sister, Betsy said in the movie.
I choked on that scene. These few incidences and statements hit me quite hard. I may feel like my Nineveh is not worth the grace given to it. However, as I consider my own life -- neither am I worth the grace given to me. So do I really have the right to complain? For the first time in my life, I fear the possibility of ending up in the belly of a whale if I disobey the Lord. And so I must obey.
Do I have the right to give up? The answer has to be no.
Sometimes, that is what is required. Stop focusing on oneself, and just obey. The Father knows best when we are preoccupied with ourselves least.
Here, the Lord is bringing me back to the fundamentals again. Faithfulness in service does not manifest itself when things are easy. It is drawn out of us with obedience to the Lord's call when situations are against us; when there is hurt; when there is brokenness, and especially when there is a sense of faithlessness. Remember the old song, 'Trust and Obey"? Guess it still rings true. But sing it while one can comfortable do so – cause it may be less pleasant when one is singing it in the belly of a whale.
In church, we have been doing the book of Jonah over the past few months. It was a word in season as I am now in a place the decision crossroad of where the Lord wants me to serve. I was ready to walk away from many things, but every time I think I have decided, there has either been a message here and a word there in church that would remind me of "being faithful and planting roots" and not running away from our Ninevehs.For the first time in my life, I can not only understand what Jonah went through, but actually feel and emphatize with him. I used to study Jonah's story of running away from what God wanted him to do with intellectual eyes and think, Why was he so silly? Why not just obey and it would have made your life so much easier?
Now I see more clearly...
I realize that Jonah running away from the place God has called him to, may not be a straightforward case of disobedience as I had naively believed. It's easy to assume that Jonah's heart was hardened towards his calling for the people of Nineveh "without a valid cause"; that he merely neglected his calling or turned his back on his responsibilities. Now I realize that he was not running away from his Nineveh because he was rebellious. Nineveh can represent the God-directed place, people or activity which is "the right thing to do", or "the right place to be". It's a place where one can deem not worthy (or no longer worthy) the sacrifice or cost you are 'paying'. You want nothing to do with it because of hurt, disappointment, discouragement and other emotional toils associated with it. You want to distance yourself from it. But the Lord keeps bringing you back there because He thinks it is worth it, or He has said as your place of destiny.
I don't think that I am the first, nor will I be the last person who is laying flat on the ground feeling that it hurts too much to serve; you have given too much of yourself and have become vulnerable; that it's time to pack up, run away and leave.
I re-read the book of Jonah again recently with new eyes, not as a observer but as a person in Jonah's shoes. One thing hit me right in the heart at the end of the last chapter, when the Lord asked:
- "Have you any right to be angry?" (Jonah 4:4)
The Lord has also been burning the question in my spirit:
- Why are you giving up on people who need you? (cf: Jonah 4:10-11)
And more recently, I watched a video of Corrie Ten Boom's life, "The Hiding Place". Although I have settled things in my heart, there was another poignant reminder and this came from something Corrie's sister, Betsy said in the movie.
- Someone asked her: "Why do you serve Him at such risk to yourself?"
She replied, with a sense of vulnerability, yet still composed and determined: "Every part of me tells me to close the door and shut myself in. But God says open the door, and so I must obey."
I choked on that scene. These few incidences and statements hit me quite hard. I may feel like my Nineveh is not worth the grace given to it. However, as I consider my own life -- neither am I worth the grace given to me. So do I really have the right to complain? For the first time in my life, I fear the possibility of ending up in the belly of a whale if I disobey the Lord. And so I must obey.
Do I have the right to give up? The answer has to be no.
Sometimes, that is what is required. Stop focusing on oneself, and just obey. The Father knows best when we are preoccupied with ourselves least.
Here, the Lord is bringing me back to the fundamentals again. Faithfulness in service does not manifest itself when things are easy. It is drawn out of us with obedience to the Lord's call when situations are against us; when there is hurt; when there is brokenness, and especially when there is a sense of faithlessness. Remember the old song, 'Trust and Obey"? Guess it still rings true. But sing it while one can comfortable do so – cause it may be less pleasant when one is singing it in the belly of a whale.
Labels: Spiritual Direction / Guidance
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Good to hear that you are encouraged. I believe that He will complete His good works in you and through you, and His strength is perfected in our weekness. Stay focus.
# posted by 
: August 09, 2006 11:34 a.m.
: August 09, 2006 11:34 a.m.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and heart. This is really helpful. I found it hard to tell 'to move on' and 'to escape' most of the time. Maybe wisdom takes time to grow.
# posted by : August 10, 2006 8:19 p.m.
: August 10, 2006 8:19 p.m.
The Lord always seems to keep us on our feet (that is, assuming that we are sincere in keeping His will); just when one thinks that they have enough wisdom, we peel "another layer of the onion" and find there is more to peel... (if you all get the analogy).
You would think that it would get easier with time, but it does not seem to. Sometimes we never learn - and are ignorant, or stubborn to change. Other times, it's the Lord bringing us to a new place with Him for which we have to re-learn what we thought we 'knew', but realise that we don't know any better.... This is how it is for me now.
~Sal
You would think that it would get easier with time, but it does not seem to. Sometimes we never learn - and are ignorant, or stubborn to change. Other times, it's the Lord bringing us to a new place with Him for which we have to re-learn what we thought we 'knew', but realise that we don't know any better.... This is how it is for me now.
~Sal
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